4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Ten years

Barb and David, telepathic at last...sort of

"Are you guys okay? You look a little, I don’t know...bewildered. Not to mention out of place,” I giggled, gesturing at their pressed slacks and white button-downs. “You’re not freaked out by these, are you?” I tipped my chin down, so as to draw their gaze to where my cups runnethed over, buttressed as they were by the sturdy leather corset that thrust my ample bosom up and out.

“No, no, it’s not that,” Remel insisted with a flustered tinge to his voice. “We’re fine with all this — it’s just not what we were expecting. When we talked on the phone, I thought you said ‘weather contest.’”

I laughed long and hard. After my chuckles began to taper off, I said, “What in the world? ‘Weather’? What kind of contest would that be?”

“I wasn’t sure, but I know that you know weather people on the news, so I thought it had to be like some kind of competition between who could report weather the best or something,” Remel said. “I even told Nick here that we were going to be filming a weather contest tonight.” Remel shot an amused, apologetic glance at his new assistant.

“Well, you guys certainly got more than you bargained for,” I said. “Enjoy it. Oh, and don’t be offended if you get lingering glances from some of the leather-clad men here tonight. On the contrary, take it as a compliment if they even notice you in those clothes.” The lights in the theater flickered on and off. “That’s my cue — gotta go,” I said, leaving David to fend for the small film crew.

While standing onstage waiting to begin, I lowered my chin a little and said, “I hope those boys aren’t traumatized by the end of this.” I made out David’s face, smiling and nodding in the dark distance, and added, “Just think of the stories they’ll have to tell their friends this weekend.”

“What did you say?” AJ, my co-emcee for the Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather Contest, leaned in close to hear me better.

Mic check

“Oh, I wasn’t talking to you,” I said. “I’m communicating with my man through this little microphone in my cleavage. Everything I say goes straight into his ear. David, give a little wave for AJ, will you? See, look over there, in the corner.” I pointed toward the audience and AJ followed the line of my finger to David, who was waving at us from where he sat, 50 feet away.

David was monitoring the audio that would later be synced with the video footage; I liked being connected to him in this way. No matter where I was — fixing my hair in the bathroom mirror, stepping outside backstage for a quick breath of fresh air — David could hear me; even if we were physically separated and could not see each other, this connection remained intact. I found it reassuring.

Barbarella signing copies of her book, Diary of a Diva: Behind the Lipstick

Over the past two weeks, we filmed just about everything I did, which included visiting FOX6 and KPBS to promote my new book (Diary of a Diva: Behind the Lipstick); emceeing the Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather contest; judging the tasty handiwork of ten chefs for a ceviche showdown; and, finally, meeting fans and friends and signing books at my big book-launch party. All this is for a project David and I are working on with a couple of executive producers out of Los Angeles. It was an insane, two-week whirlwind. But while I was being whipped about in the tornado of it all, David’s presence served as a calm and stablizing eye (and ear) of the storm.

Though all of the events were memorable, the most momentous for me was my book-launch party. This year marks a decade since I began penning my column for the Reader. The best thing about the book — at least to me — is that David contributed his own words. After ten years, the man I always write about finally writes back, and judging by the length of his commentaries that appear throughout the book, he had plenty to say.

Solare Ristorante’s owner Randy and Chef Accursio pulled out all the stops for the sold-out event. For over two hours, I sat at a desk and greeted people — old friends, and just as many new ones. I found it astonishing that all these people had shown up to celebrate with me, especially after reading ten years’ worth of my personal brand of crazy.

“Psst, beh-beh, can you hear me?” I looked through the crowd to see David — whose back was turned to me — nod his head. There was a brief lull in the line, a momentary gap in time that my brain rushed to fill with neuroses.

Rather than spinning things over in my head, I put my thoughts into words and shared them with David through the mic that was clipped on my shirt. “This is surreal. These people, they know me. Like, really know me. I actually feel remiss for not remembering their names, even if I’ve never met them before. Like I should know them, too. Is that weird?”

As if he could feel me staring at the back of his head, David turned, smiled an understanding smile, and shook his head. I took a deep breath, returned his smile, and then greeted the next person to approach me with a book.

At the end of the night, as we were packing up the audio equipment, I said, “I want to wear this all the time. I really like being constantly connected to you. It’s the closest thing to being telepathic.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” David said. “But it would be even better if it could go both ways. Right now, I’m able to hear you, but you can’t hear me.”

“Good point,” I said. “We should get some of those high-tech wireless earpieces, like the ones the Secret Service use.” I expected him to reject this idea, but instead, David’s dimples appeared and he gave a subtle nod. I became giddy and made a mental note to look into buying a two-way system before he changed his mind.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Hypno5e: A Distant (Dark) Source Experience, Exploring Ethics: Neuromodulation

Events February 27-March 3, 2021
Next Article

Boxing great Archie Moore’s Stockton sanctuary

Custom swimming pool was dug in the shape of a boxing glove

"Are you guys okay? You look a little, I don’t know...bewildered. Not to mention out of place,” I giggled, gesturing at their pressed slacks and white button-downs. “You’re not freaked out by these, are you?” I tipped my chin down, so as to draw their gaze to where my cups runnethed over, buttressed as they were by the sturdy leather corset that thrust my ample bosom up and out.

“No, no, it’s not that,” Remel insisted with a flustered tinge to his voice. “We’re fine with all this — it’s just not what we were expecting. When we talked on the phone, I thought you said ‘weather contest.’”

I laughed long and hard. After my chuckles began to taper off, I said, “What in the world? ‘Weather’? What kind of contest would that be?”

“I wasn’t sure, but I know that you know weather people on the news, so I thought it had to be like some kind of competition between who could report weather the best or something,” Remel said. “I even told Nick here that we were going to be filming a weather contest tonight.” Remel shot an amused, apologetic glance at his new assistant.

“Well, you guys certainly got more than you bargained for,” I said. “Enjoy it. Oh, and don’t be offended if you get lingering glances from some of the leather-clad men here tonight. On the contrary, take it as a compliment if they even notice you in those clothes.” The lights in the theater flickered on and off. “That’s my cue — gotta go,” I said, leaving David to fend for the small film crew.

While standing onstage waiting to begin, I lowered my chin a little and said, “I hope those boys aren’t traumatized by the end of this.” I made out David’s face, smiling and nodding in the dark distance, and added, “Just think of the stories they’ll have to tell their friends this weekend.”

“What did you say?” AJ, my co-emcee for the Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather Contest, leaned in close to hear me better.

Mic check

“Oh, I wasn’t talking to you,” I said. “I’m communicating with my man through this little microphone in my cleavage. Everything I say goes straight into his ear. David, give a little wave for AJ, will you? See, look over there, in the corner.” I pointed toward the audience and AJ followed the line of my finger to David, who was waving at us from where he sat, 50 feet away.

David was monitoring the audio that would later be synced with the video footage; I liked being connected to him in this way. No matter where I was — fixing my hair in the bathroom mirror, stepping outside backstage for a quick breath of fresh air — David could hear me; even if we were physically separated and could not see each other, this connection remained intact. I found it reassuring.

Barbarella signing copies of her book, Diary of a Diva: Behind the Lipstick

Over the past two weeks, we filmed just about everything I did, which included visiting FOX6 and KPBS to promote my new book (Diary of a Diva: Behind the Lipstick); emceeing the Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather contest; judging the tasty handiwork of ten chefs for a ceviche showdown; and, finally, meeting fans and friends and signing books at my big book-launch party. All this is for a project David and I are working on with a couple of executive producers out of Los Angeles. It was an insane, two-week whirlwind. But while I was being whipped about in the tornado of it all, David’s presence served as a calm and stablizing eye (and ear) of the storm.

Though all of the events were memorable, the most momentous for me was my book-launch party. This year marks a decade since I began penning my column for the Reader. The best thing about the book — at least to me — is that David contributed his own words. After ten years, the man I always write about finally writes back, and judging by the length of his commentaries that appear throughout the book, he had plenty to say.

Solare Ristorante’s owner Randy and Chef Accursio pulled out all the stops for the sold-out event. For over two hours, I sat at a desk and greeted people — old friends, and just as many new ones. I found it astonishing that all these people had shown up to celebrate with me, especially after reading ten years’ worth of my personal brand of crazy.

“Psst, beh-beh, can you hear me?” I looked through the crowd to see David — whose back was turned to me — nod his head. There was a brief lull in the line, a momentary gap in time that my brain rushed to fill with neuroses.

Rather than spinning things over in my head, I put my thoughts into words and shared them with David through the mic that was clipped on my shirt. “This is surreal. These people, they know me. Like, really know me. I actually feel remiss for not remembering their names, even if I’ve never met them before. Like I should know them, too. Is that weird?”

As if he could feel me staring at the back of his head, David turned, smiled an understanding smile, and shook his head. I took a deep breath, returned his smile, and then greeted the next person to approach me with a book.

At the end of the night, as we were packing up the audio equipment, I said, “I want to wear this all the time. I really like being constantly connected to you. It’s the closest thing to being telepathic.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” David said. “But it would be even better if it could go both ways. Right now, I’m able to hear you, but you can’t hear me.”

“Good point,” I said. “We should get some of those high-tech wireless earpieces, like the ones the Secret Service use.” I expected him to reject this idea, but instead, David’s dimples appeared and he gave a subtle nod. I became giddy and made a mental note to look into buying a two-way system before he changed his mind.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

The soundtrack of our lives

If we’re all just ranting from our respective enclaves, then We Live In A Society really is a memeworthy gag and nothing more.
Next Article

Milla Jovovich vs. monsters

Artemis has a couple of miraculously unmelted squares of Hershey’s chocolate lounging in the pocket of her cargo pants
Comments
1

(wolf whistle) leather corset, spilling up and out. ample bosom. Barbarella is getting better than Sudoku!

Sept. 16, 2014

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close