Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

The Christmas Tool

I was up early today watching for Santa Claus/The U.S. Postal Service. I have never been threatened by, or treated poorly by, a member of the United States Postal Service.

I have however been accused of being anti-government. I am not anti-governmert. I am anti-corruption, and while waiting on my "Christmas Tool" I got to thinking about my fifty something years of life as an American female in the year 2011.

"My Christmas Tool" is a flexible shaft screwdriver. I need this tool because - please choose one of the following in your mind. TY

A- it gives me pleasure to be responsible for the basics of maintaining a reliable vehicle in an era of female independence. B-I am a tool freak. C-I am Bi-sexual and I respond to tools. D-All of the above

I was expecting it to arrive today, the "Monday before Christmas."

Maybe I should back up. I bought a 1997 Mercury Villager, loaded, with the luxury I crave from a Mercedes, and the generic dependability, durability, and thriftiness (pre-tsunami) I have come to expect from fine Japanese engineers, over-seeing happy American workers in the year 1997.

(Wayne at Horn Auto and R.V., in El Cajon will be happy to provide you with a drunk call after you screw him out of five hundred or more dollars on a deal. At least he did for me.)

I am old enough to remember how my country ended WWII by threatening to annihiliate the Japanese people. That brings with it a powerful level of guilt. Guilt equals money, that's what I learned from my mother, Psycho Titty.

Today I am a beneficiary of that guilt. American guilt, not Psycho Titty guilt. My Mercury Villager has an above average history of customer loyalty. The "Mercury Villager " has it's own fan club. One which I have yet to penetrate. It's on a Yahoo platform. I may or may not be using the term "platform" correctly.I do know that Yahoo will not allow me to create an account using the online information I am allowing them to access.

I love my Mercury Villager. Please Yahoo let me join. What more do you need from me? Isn't my love enough? I adore my Mercury Villager, it is perfect for me. Power everything, including lumbar support. It is my sleek silver steed, evoking memories of my childhood escape fantasies.

It's seats are my love handles and I command it's power. When I'm behind the wheel, I feel like I could make it to a bridge over a deep chasm of dark water. I feel like I can escape my pursuers and become a freedom myth told by an obscure and dying race of people.

Ahhhh, yes. A freedom myth. I'm okay with that.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

One or two puffs for the Population Assessment of Tobacco and Health

And so starts the procession of questions.

I was up early today watching for Santa Claus/The U.S. Postal Service. I have never been threatened by, or treated poorly by, a member of the United States Postal Service.

I have however been accused of being anti-government. I am not anti-governmert. I am anti-corruption, and while waiting on my "Christmas Tool" I got to thinking about my fifty something years of life as an American female in the year 2011.

"My Christmas Tool" is a flexible shaft screwdriver. I need this tool because - please choose one of the following in your mind. TY

A- it gives me pleasure to be responsible for the basics of maintaining a reliable vehicle in an era of female independence. B-I am a tool freak. C-I am Bi-sexual and I respond to tools. D-All of the above

I was expecting it to arrive today, the "Monday before Christmas."

Maybe I should back up. I bought a 1997 Mercury Villager, loaded, with the luxury I crave from a Mercedes, and the generic dependability, durability, and thriftiness (pre-tsunami) I have come to expect from fine Japanese engineers, over-seeing happy American workers in the year 1997.

(Wayne at Horn Auto and R.V., in El Cajon will be happy to provide you with a drunk call after you screw him out of five hundred or more dollars on a deal. At least he did for me.)

I am old enough to remember how my country ended WWII by threatening to annihiliate the Japanese people. That brings with it a powerful level of guilt. Guilt equals money, that's what I learned from my mother, Psycho Titty.

Today I am a beneficiary of that guilt. American guilt, not Psycho Titty guilt. My Mercury Villager has an above average history of customer loyalty. The "Mercury Villager " has it's own fan club. One which I have yet to penetrate. It's on a Yahoo platform. I may or may not be using the term "platform" correctly.I do know that Yahoo will not allow me to create an account using the online information I am allowing them to access.

I love my Mercury Villager. Please Yahoo let me join. What more do you need from me? Isn't my love enough? I adore my Mercury Villager, it is perfect for me. Power everything, including lumbar support. It is my sleek silver steed, evoking memories of my childhood escape fantasies.

It's seats are my love handles and I command it's power. When I'm behind the wheel, I feel like I could make it to a bridge over a deep chasm of dark water. I feel like I can escape my pursuers and become a freedom myth told by an obscure and dying race of people.

Ahhhh, yes. A freedom myth. I'm okay with that.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Floating Outdoor Cinema on the Bay, Toy Piano Festival

Events September 27-September 30, 2020
Next Article

“My favorite John Waters movie is…”

A quick dissertation on the correlation between organic food intake and jean skinniness
Comments
17

"Psycho Titty" mom! Hysterical.

Dec. 20, 2011

Thanks for that. I love bringing delight to the world.You're one of my favorite bloggers. Nan too. She's hot.

Dec. 20, 2011

She's that. lol

Glad to learn that you still stop by to read my posts. I don't see you on (comment/post) as much as I did when I first joined. When I do though, I rush to read because you never fail to deliver that oh so delicious delight.

I've got to ask though--how on EARTH did you come up with that nick name for your mummy?

Dec. 20, 2011

LMFAO All I can say is, it was a natural progression.

Dec. 20, 2011

Sounds like it would make a humorous story, no?

Dec. 20, 2011

we're both old and still crazy after all these years eh hunnypant...hahahahahahahahaha ;-D)

love this one...do more pluease!!!

wait a minute...did u say "psycho titty"...wasn't that my nickname??....

nah,no not with these fried eggs

Dec. 20, 2011

Hey nan, I love them sunny side up.

Dec. 21, 2011

much thx 4 being a "titty" conesieur DG...hahahahahahaha...

Dec. 21, 2011

Ok we have to stop now because my thoughts are racing into inappropiate areas of my brain. Must go watch small furry animals doing small furry things."Row,row,row, simple words really."

Dec. 22, 2011

i love that commercial!!!

Dec. 24, 2011

Glad to see you on the winners list!

Jan. 5, 2012

Thank you, I am delighted. That is all I can say. A simple thing, I like simple things.

Jan. 8, 2012

Simple is good:)

Jan. 9, 2012

da winner and still champ...radical uterus!!!

Jan. 6, 2012

Oh my god, oh my god I just logged in to post a thing about my neighbor Old Paul. This is just the booost I needed. I am delighted.

Jan. 8, 2012

Oh my god, oh my god this is so much fun, thank you I am delighted to see that ribbon next to my blog.

Seriously though, where is my hat?

Jan. 8, 2012

In all fairness to Wayne at Horn Auto and R.V. The phone call and the context of the phone call were characterized by me having underestimated Waynes sense of humor, although I did warn him that I would be writing about my car buying experience.

I am happy with my RUV and happy with my buying experience. I got a great deal and I would like to encourage people to go see Wayne for all your R.V. Truck, and Car needs.Drive a little save a lot.

Jan. 27, 2012

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close