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The Christmas Tool

I was up early today watching for Santa Claus/The U.S. Postal Service. I have never been threatened by, or treated poorly by, a member of the United States Postal Service.

I have however been accused of being anti-government. I am not anti-governmert. I am anti-corruption, and while waiting on my "Christmas Tool" I got to thinking about my fifty something years of life as an American female in the year 2011.

"My Christmas Tool" is a flexible shaft screwdriver. I need this tool because - please choose one of the following in your mind. TY

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A- it gives me pleasure to be responsible for the basics of maintaining a reliable vehicle in an era of female independence. B-I am a tool freak. C-I am Bi-sexual and I respond to tools. D-All of the above

I was expecting it to arrive today, the "Monday before Christmas."

Maybe I should back up. I bought a 1997 Mercury Villager, loaded, with the luxury I crave from a Mercedes, and the generic dependability, durability, and thriftiness (pre-tsunami) I have come to expect from fine Japanese engineers, over-seeing happy American workers in the year 1997.

(Wayne at Horn Auto and R.V., in El Cajon will be happy to provide you with a drunk call after you screw him out of five hundred or more dollars on a deal. At least he did for me.)

I am old enough to remember how my country ended WWII by threatening to annihiliate the Japanese people. That brings with it a powerful level of guilt. Guilt equals money, that's what I learned from my mother, Psycho Titty.

Today I am a beneficiary of that guilt. American guilt, not Psycho Titty guilt. My Mercury Villager has an above average history of customer loyalty. The "Mercury Villager " has it's own fan club. One which I have yet to penetrate. It's on a Yahoo platform. I may or may not be using the term "platform" correctly.I do know that Yahoo will not allow me to create an account using the online information I am allowing them to access.

I love my Mercury Villager. Please Yahoo let me join. What more do you need from me? Isn't my love enough? I adore my Mercury Villager, it is perfect for me. Power everything, including lumbar support. It is my sleek silver steed, evoking memories of my childhood escape fantasies.

It's seats are my love handles and I command it's power. When I'm behind the wheel, I feel like I could make it to a bridge over a deep chasm of dark water. I feel like I can escape my pursuers and become a freedom myth told by an obscure and dying race of people.

Ahhhh, yes. A freedom myth. I'm okay with that.

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I was up early today watching for Santa Claus/The U.S. Postal Service. I have never been threatened by, or treated poorly by, a member of the United States Postal Service.

I have however been accused of being anti-government. I am not anti-governmert. I am anti-corruption, and while waiting on my "Christmas Tool" I got to thinking about my fifty something years of life as an American female in the year 2011.

"My Christmas Tool" is a flexible shaft screwdriver. I need this tool because - please choose one of the following in your mind. TY

Sponsored
Sponsored

A- it gives me pleasure to be responsible for the basics of maintaining a reliable vehicle in an era of female independence. B-I am a tool freak. C-I am Bi-sexual and I respond to tools. D-All of the above

I was expecting it to arrive today, the "Monday before Christmas."

Maybe I should back up. I bought a 1997 Mercury Villager, loaded, with the luxury I crave from a Mercedes, and the generic dependability, durability, and thriftiness (pre-tsunami) I have come to expect from fine Japanese engineers, over-seeing happy American workers in the year 1997.

(Wayne at Horn Auto and R.V., in El Cajon will be happy to provide you with a drunk call after you screw him out of five hundred or more dollars on a deal. At least he did for me.)

I am old enough to remember how my country ended WWII by threatening to annihiliate the Japanese people. That brings with it a powerful level of guilt. Guilt equals money, that's what I learned from my mother, Psycho Titty.

Today I am a beneficiary of that guilt. American guilt, not Psycho Titty guilt. My Mercury Villager has an above average history of customer loyalty. The "Mercury Villager " has it's own fan club. One which I have yet to penetrate. It's on a Yahoo platform. I may or may not be using the term "platform" correctly.I do know that Yahoo will not allow me to create an account using the online information I am allowing them to access.

I love my Mercury Villager. Please Yahoo let me join. What more do you need from me? Isn't my love enough? I adore my Mercury Villager, it is perfect for me. Power everything, including lumbar support. It is my sleek silver steed, evoking memories of my childhood escape fantasies.

It's seats are my love handles and I command it's power. When I'm behind the wheel, I feel like I could make it to a bridge over a deep chasm of dark water. I feel like I can escape my pursuers and become a freedom myth told by an obscure and dying race of people.

Ahhhh, yes. A freedom myth. I'm okay with that.

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San Diego Reader 2024 Music & Arts Issue

Favorite fakers: Baby Bushka, Fleetwood Max, Electric Waste Band, Oceans, Geezer – plus upcoming tribute schedule
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Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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