4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Brasília, Brazil: A Swimming Pool Experience

My wife and I have worked at an American school in Brazil for a year. Before this, we worked at an international school in Colombia. The following is, by no stretch of the imagination, my most outrageous experience:

In early April, we were treated to a day at ASBAC, a local social club by the lake in Brasília. Restaurants, bars, tennis courts, workout facilities, six pools. While my wife and her friends relaxed by the lake, cradling their Kindles, I was going to swim.

Swimming at ASBAC (and many social/athletic clubs) requires a medical exam performed by a 20-something in an OR jacket. I went in for the test, showed him my hands, my feet, and spun around. I passed this test. The following question floored me: “Onde fica sua sunga (where is your Speedo suit)?” I was not about to prance around a family club in a Speedo. In the U.S. we call guys that haunt pools in Speedos pedophiles.

This was unacceptable. I hadn’t swum in months, and I wasn’t going to swim today. Vanessa, my wife, saw me, and urged by her friends, offered to “switch bottoms” with me. Her friend said, “Switching bottoms is true love,” with the kind of elegant irony that needs a certain tone.

I said, channeling Amy Winehouse, “No, no, no.” But then I had to swim, and I had the pressure of three women. In a moment Nessa and I had switched swimming bottoms. I was wearing a bikini and calling it a sunga.

I wrapped the sarong around my waist – the one Jeffrey brought back from Africa – and headed back to the medico. He checked my hands, my wrists, I spun around, and then he asked to see my sunga. And I slowly unwrapped myself and hid my face, literally, in my hands.

The orderly said – gripping his laughter and preparing stories for his friends – “Don’t tank off your canga until you get to the pool.”

So I went, ripped off my sarong and jumped in the pool in a swift, unified, elegant, Louganis-style fling-and-dive. When I was finished I imagined, or thought I imagined, that all the pool guards were looking up at me like erect meerkats and laughing.

I went back down to the lake, where the ladies were waiting. Nessa refused to give me back my trunks because she rightly didn’t want her bottoms back.

So there I was. In nothing but a canga, which I folded into a kind of loincloth diaper, I ordered a Fanta, and sat in the shade.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

San Diego's 36 storm drain tunnels add to border woes

Akilah Weber graced with money from biotech, contractors, and Doordash

My wife and I have worked at an American school in Brazil for a year. Before this, we worked at an international school in Colombia. The following is, by no stretch of the imagination, my most outrageous experience:

In early April, we were treated to a day at ASBAC, a local social club by the lake in Brasília. Restaurants, bars, tennis courts, workout facilities, six pools. While my wife and her friends relaxed by the lake, cradling their Kindles, I was going to swim.

Swimming at ASBAC (and many social/athletic clubs) requires a medical exam performed by a 20-something in an OR jacket. I went in for the test, showed him my hands, my feet, and spun around. I passed this test. The following question floored me: “Onde fica sua sunga (where is your Speedo suit)?” I was not about to prance around a family club in a Speedo. In the U.S. we call guys that haunt pools in Speedos pedophiles.

This was unacceptable. I hadn’t swum in months, and I wasn’t going to swim today. Vanessa, my wife, saw me, and urged by her friends, offered to “switch bottoms” with me. Her friend said, “Switching bottoms is true love,” with the kind of elegant irony that needs a certain tone.

I said, channeling Amy Winehouse, “No, no, no.” But then I had to swim, and I had the pressure of three women. In a moment Nessa and I had switched swimming bottoms. I was wearing a bikini and calling it a sunga.

I wrapped the sarong around my waist – the one Jeffrey brought back from Africa – and headed back to the medico. He checked my hands, my wrists, I spun around, and then he asked to see my sunga. And I slowly unwrapped myself and hid my face, literally, in my hands.

The orderly said – gripping his laughter and preparing stories for his friends – “Don’t tank off your canga until you get to the pool.”

So I went, ripped off my sarong and jumped in the pool in a swift, unified, elegant, Louganis-style fling-and-dive. When I was finished I imagined, or thought I imagined, that all the pool guards were looking up at me like erect meerkats and laughing.

I went back down to the lake, where the ladies were waiting. Nessa refused to give me back my trunks because she rightly didn’t want her bottoms back.

So there I was. In nothing but a canga, which I folded into a kind of loincloth diaper, I ordered a Fanta, and sat in the shade.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Teddy Kennedy, Hunter Thompson as villains, San Diegan sneaks onto Coronado Islands

Singer Elizabeth Cotten, world's worst surfer, San Diego water towers, Baja Okies
Next Article

San Diego's 36 storm drain tunnels add to border woes

Akilah Weber graced with money from biotech, contractors, and Doordash
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close