Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Junky's Wife in Charlotte, North Carolina

A Spoon

He called and asked me to bring him a pair of shorts, his sketch pad, a soda, and something to eat. He made a big deal about how I shouldn't look in the shorts or the sketch pad because there was a wonderful secret surprise that would be spoiled if I looked. I was skeptical. "Would I be pissed off if I knew what it was?" And he responded, "No. It's really good, and you'll be excited tonight when you see."

I told him that I wasn't sure, and that if there was something that I wouldn't like, he shouldn't ask me to bring it for him. He assured me that it was all okay, and so I agreed.

I couldn't find the shorts, and I had to dig around in his drawer to find them. They were buried underneath some T-shirts, and when I found them, I saw the top of a spoon sticking out of the pocket. I pulled it out, and it was burned on the bottom. Also, there was a plastic wrapper from a syringe and a bloody paper towel.

He was upset that I looked in the shorts. For a moment, I felt guilty, and then I realized that there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to look in his shorts. It's not as if he had bought something that he would have hidden there. He has no money. There's no great surprise...no special thing. No diamond ring.

Sponsored
Sponsored

And how dare he attack my honesty? I'm not the liar here.

And why ask me to bring it to him?

He must know that transporting class-A narcotic paraphernalia counts as a thing that I wouldn't want to do.

I want this shit out of my life. I don't want to fear his death, fear he's going to steal from me, feel a constant need to separate myself from him because I'm afraid of the consequences of being too close.

As soon as it seems like things are going to be okay, there is always this shit. Last night was nice. I built him a website for his artwork. He cleaned the kitchen. We enjoyed each other.

And then today, this...

"Why?" I kept asking him last night. "Why would you do it? You were doing so well. Why?"

All he can say is that it's because he's weak. He had a moment of weakness. I kept asking him to explain it to me. What made him think it was okay? What was the process? How long did it take?

All he would say is that his friend asked him if he wanted to use, and he said yes, and then they got the drugs.

Also, I am furious because when I came home that night, he tried to have sex with me. We have seen from months of his opiate addiction that he cannot perform sexually when he has been using. I have no idea why he would try, and it frustrated me so much. I started falling back into the old head games: "He's not attracted to me. Why can't I make this work?"

Blah blah blah.

It reminded me of this woman's story of her son using. She said he spent Easter with her, and he had told her that he had a flu. He spent all his time on the couch dozing. She was worried about his flu, cooking chicken soup for him, nursing him, but she was also afraid he might be contagious because she took care of her elderly mother who had a weak immune system. She fretted and worried about whether or not she was going to get her mother sick, and she was worried about her son and what might be wrong with him. She eventually realized, however, that he was detoxing. He wasn't sick at all, and she'd done all this worrying about her mother for no reason.

I don't understand any of his behavior. I don't understand why he would use, and I don't understand why once he did, he'd try to have sex with me. More than anything, I don't understand why he would try to get me to transport his paraphernalia for him. I don't understand his fits of rage and his continued victim mentality. I don't understand why he is doing anything.

I am so very angry. I don't really want to go home to him. I don't want to go home and not have him there, either. It drives me nuts -- this up and down and back and forth with my feelings. Whenever I start to think things are okay, they always go downhill.

http://www.thejunkyswife.com

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Gonzo Report: Hiroshima shows that rebellion is innate to innovation

Jazz fusion duo produces pristine sounds at Museum of Making Music
Next Article

Marni von Wilpert gets Falck and Zoo to cough up for gay rights

Times of San Diego sells to Arizona State offshoot

A Spoon

He called and asked me to bring him a pair of shorts, his sketch pad, a soda, and something to eat. He made a big deal about how I shouldn't look in the shorts or the sketch pad because there was a wonderful secret surprise that would be spoiled if I looked. I was skeptical. "Would I be pissed off if I knew what it was?" And he responded, "No. It's really good, and you'll be excited tonight when you see."

I told him that I wasn't sure, and that if there was something that I wouldn't like, he shouldn't ask me to bring it for him. He assured me that it was all okay, and so I agreed.

I couldn't find the shorts, and I had to dig around in his drawer to find them. They were buried underneath some T-shirts, and when I found them, I saw the top of a spoon sticking out of the pocket. I pulled it out, and it was burned on the bottom. Also, there was a plastic wrapper from a syringe and a bloody paper towel.

He was upset that I looked in the shorts. For a moment, I felt guilty, and then I realized that there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to look in his shorts. It's not as if he had bought something that he would have hidden there. He has no money. There's no great surprise...no special thing. No diamond ring.

Sponsored
Sponsored

And how dare he attack my honesty? I'm not the liar here.

And why ask me to bring it to him?

He must know that transporting class-A narcotic paraphernalia counts as a thing that I wouldn't want to do.

I want this shit out of my life. I don't want to fear his death, fear he's going to steal from me, feel a constant need to separate myself from him because I'm afraid of the consequences of being too close.

As soon as it seems like things are going to be okay, there is always this shit. Last night was nice. I built him a website for his artwork. He cleaned the kitchen. We enjoyed each other.

And then today, this...

"Why?" I kept asking him last night. "Why would you do it? You were doing so well. Why?"

All he can say is that it's because he's weak. He had a moment of weakness. I kept asking him to explain it to me. What made him think it was okay? What was the process? How long did it take?

All he would say is that his friend asked him if he wanted to use, and he said yes, and then they got the drugs.

Also, I am furious because when I came home that night, he tried to have sex with me. We have seen from months of his opiate addiction that he cannot perform sexually when he has been using. I have no idea why he would try, and it frustrated me so much. I started falling back into the old head games: "He's not attracted to me. Why can't I make this work?"

Blah blah blah.

It reminded me of this woman's story of her son using. She said he spent Easter with her, and he had told her that he had a flu. He spent all his time on the couch dozing. She was worried about his flu, cooking chicken soup for him, nursing him, but she was also afraid he might be contagious because she took care of her elderly mother who had a weak immune system. She fretted and worried about whether or not she was going to get her mother sick, and she was worried about her son and what might be wrong with him. She eventually realized, however, that he was detoxing. He wasn't sick at all, and she'd done all this worrying about her mother for no reason.

I don't understand any of his behavior. I don't understand why he would use, and I don't understand why once he did, he'd try to have sex with me. More than anything, I don't understand why he would try to get me to transport his paraphernalia for him. I don't understand his fits of rage and his continued victim mentality. I don't understand why he is doing anything.

I am so very angry. I don't really want to go home to him. I don't want to go home and not have him there, either. It drives me nuts -- this up and down and back and forth with my feelings. Whenever I start to think things are okay, they always go downhill.

http://www.thejunkyswife.com

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Dozer the pit bull bids farewell to The Bullpen

A host of regulars say their teary goodbyes to bar’s beloved mascot
Next Article

Drifter Luke Fink likes the traveling life

Former BMX rider reaches the age of cage
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.