Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Spit take

Mattski:

My impeccably mannered girlfriend from the Far East has one flaw, and it's a doozy. A matter-of-fact throat-clearing operation that punishes like a stealth fighter hitting a cheap window. My nerves being that cheap window. It starts off under the radar and ends like a good sucker punch. A guttural crescendo accompanied by a stream of bilge reminiscent of Linda Blair. She deposits her phlegm, more or less, in the direction of any available trashcan. I betray not hint of disgust. I'm stone, lest she gauge the depth of my horror. Though I did once ask her if she had ever served as a non-com in the Marines. By the way, this woman is elegant, educated, demure, serene, and lovely. I want to introduce her to my mother. What if this habit is just the tip of the iceberg? Grasping for straws here�.

-- H.B. Uridichi, downtown

Yikes! The lives you people lead�sometimes we're in awe back here at the Chuck E. Cheese Center for Deep Cover Investigations and Big Thinking. If the loogie queen was raised in China, Taiwan, or almost any other Far East location except Japan, she came to you with her spit rules already well established. Until recently, elaborate nose- and throat-clearing followed by free-range spitting has been no big deal in many Asian countries. It's a quick, practical way to deal with the gunk rather than carrying it around wrapped in tissue like we do. (Don't even try to tell me that there haven't been times when all you really wanted to do was spit a big hocker that you dredged up from somewhere, just to be rid of it�unless you're the type who likes to poke around and examine it, looking for something scary, or at least interesting.) Why, even the French thought it was okay for men to pee in the street until a few decades ago. It's said that the air pollution in many Asian cities is what makes folks there so phlegmish.

Anyway, the SARS epidemic has at least changed the official attitude toward spitting. No-spitting laws are now in effect, especially in China. Maybe this is your ice-breaker with the magnificent mucus maiden. "Oh, by the way, my peach blossom, I read in the paper today that as a public-health measure, it's now illegal to spit in China! In U.S. cities, spitting has been illegal-- not to mention bad, very bad etiquette, for at least a century. How interesting that such an ancient and venerable country should only now realize what an unsanitary, low-class, revolting habit it is. So, my elegant swan, my ruby pomegranate in autumn, if you launch one more loogie, I will drop you like a piece of flaming jade. Please accept this gift of Kleenex as a token of my esteem."

Well, that's just my suggestion. Once she's advised of this cultural difference between East and West, she will likely comply.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Korean War survivors, Hotel Del expels Prince Edward, Spanish Civil War vets, escape from Vietnam, tortured by Japanese

San Diego as vortex of world events

Mattski:

My impeccably mannered girlfriend from the Far East has one flaw, and it's a doozy. A matter-of-fact throat-clearing operation that punishes like a stealth fighter hitting a cheap window. My nerves being that cheap window. It starts off under the radar and ends like a good sucker punch. A guttural crescendo accompanied by a stream of bilge reminiscent of Linda Blair. She deposits her phlegm, more or less, in the direction of any available trashcan. I betray not hint of disgust. I'm stone, lest she gauge the depth of my horror. Though I did once ask her if she had ever served as a non-com in the Marines. By the way, this woman is elegant, educated, demure, serene, and lovely. I want to introduce her to my mother. What if this habit is just the tip of the iceberg? Grasping for straws here�.

-- H.B. Uridichi, downtown

Yikes! The lives you people lead�sometimes we're in awe back here at the Chuck E. Cheese Center for Deep Cover Investigations and Big Thinking. If the loogie queen was raised in China, Taiwan, or almost any other Far East location except Japan, she came to you with her spit rules already well established. Until recently, elaborate nose- and throat-clearing followed by free-range spitting has been no big deal in many Asian countries. It's a quick, practical way to deal with the gunk rather than carrying it around wrapped in tissue like we do. (Don't even try to tell me that there haven't been times when all you really wanted to do was spit a big hocker that you dredged up from somewhere, just to be rid of it�unless you're the type who likes to poke around and examine it, looking for something scary, or at least interesting.) Why, even the French thought it was okay for men to pee in the street until a few decades ago. It's said that the air pollution in many Asian cities is what makes folks there so phlegmish.

Anyway, the SARS epidemic has at least changed the official attitude toward spitting. No-spitting laws are now in effect, especially in China. Maybe this is your ice-breaker with the magnificent mucus maiden. "Oh, by the way, my peach blossom, I read in the paper today that as a public-health measure, it's now illegal to spit in China! In U.S. cities, spitting has been illegal-- not to mention bad, very bad etiquette, for at least a century. How interesting that such an ancient and venerable country should only now realize what an unsanitary, low-class, revolting habit it is. So, my elegant swan, my ruby pomegranate in autumn, if you launch one more loogie, I will drop you like a piece of flaming jade. Please accept this gift of Kleenex as a token of my esteem."

Well, that's just my suggestion. Once she's advised of this cultural difference between East and West, she will likely comply.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Tropical terrycloth

Lexington Field, Wanted Noise, Jelani Aryeh, Belladon, Planet B
Next Article

Little Italy landmark gets red marble and white marble

Our Lady of the Rosary – beyond the Genoese fishermen
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close