Photo by Rick Geary

Saliva’s meant to stick to stuff like food and bacteria.

Dear M.A.: How come when you let your dog lick the remaining food off a plate, it’s so slimy? You can soak the plate in water for hours, and it’s still slimy. Only scrubbing with soap will get it off the plate. Why is dog saliva so slimy? — Judy, Pasadena

Nothing personal, Judy, but the elves and I will have to turn down that generous dinner invite. Try us again when the dog’s dead. And not to give you any more bad ideas, but have you tried letting the grandma, the kids, the cat lick plates? They’d still be a little gummy, I think. Try as we might, the cracked staff couldn’t roust an expert in dog spit, so we’ll compile some best guesses. In general, the dogsperts we talked to could barely stop snickering long enough to speculate. Saliva’s meant to stick to stuff like food and bacteria. It’s full of enzymes and antibodies and dead mouth cells and all sorts of junk. Because dogs sweat through their mouths, perhaps dog spit is thicker to compensate for how generally wet a dog’s mouth can be. But consider that bird spit, termite spit, and fish spit are sticky enough to be used in nest building. And how about spitballs, spit curls.,.? If human saliva is gooey enough to make hair stick to your face or baseballs stick to your fingers, we’re probably not so different from your pedigreed plate-washers.