Jay Allen Sanford 1 p.m., May 4
Aggressively dumb summer fun that sets out to offer something for everyone, and winds up giving nothing much to anyone. A complete list of ingredients would be exhausting; perhaps it’s enough to note that an opening scene in which a man (Jason Statham, slumming) makes the agonizing decision to sacrifice two of his friends in order to complete a deep-sea rescue mission is followed immediately by a scene in which nerdy billionaire Rainn Wilson attempts to impress a pretty Chinese woman with his linguistic skills, only to have the subtitles read, “You meat candle egg nice skull.” Or something like that. And that’s pretty much how it goes from there on out: heavy drama followed by ha-ha-hi-larity. Oh, and there’s a really, really big shark to help with the zig-zagging: sometimes, when he eats people, it’s tragic and upsetting. Other times, it’s a bloody laff riot! Maybe director John Turteltaub thought the barrage of pathos and yuks would distract from the fact that his star is a very big fish that is not very bright. Still: cool shark, bro. 2018.