The winner of this year’s Gus Van Sant “Psycho” Award for most purposeless remake goes to fanboy Luca Guadagnino (I Am Love, Call Me By Your Name). Dario Argento’s Suspiria is so much a product of the director’s innermost self that it would be easier to replicate his DNA than to remake this picture. Guadagnino pretty much follows the flow of the original, with the exception of choosing to do away with Argento’s climactic reveal by letting the audience know before the opening credits roll that the school is a front for an assembly of witches. Beneath her red wig, Dakota Johnson’s non-presence is such that one wonders how much better the film might have been had Lindsay Lohan been tapped to star. The Argento is a marvel of style-as-subject; Guadagnino subjects audiences to second-hand shocks. And did I mention that this thing runs an hour longer than the original? With: Mia Goth and Tilda Swinton in no less than three roles. (2018) — Scott Marks
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