Fifty Shades Freed 0.0 stars

Fifty Shades Freed movie poster

Freed at last, as moviedom’s favorite boy-beats-girl franchise draws to a halting climax. Christian (Jamie Dornan) and Ana (Dakota Johnson) tie the knot, but audiences anticipating auto-eroticism are soon asphyxiated by 90 minutes of panoramic pans across exotic locales. Add to this a few yawn-generating softcore spankings before closing on a note of unmitigated violence. Marriage has made quite the prude of Christian, who now winces at the amount of skin his wife flashes on a nude beach. And with an eye-rolling Ana wise to his whips-and-chains schtick, there’s little excitement left to the couple's S&M couplings. Submissive moviegoers might need a safeword — try “storytelling" or “pacing" — to unambiguously communicate the profundity of their emotional discomfort and intellectual detachment. As for the filmmakers, when all else fails and S&M simply will not do the trick, reintroduce an ex-boyfriend to kidnap and brutalize one character and stomp the pregnant stomach of another. Better to pass the time thinking about your parents having sex than sitting through this. 2018.

Scott Marks

This movie is not currently in theaters.


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