Crank: High Voltage

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Jason Statham, his stolen heart, his beat-the-clock recovery effort, chronicled with a spastic camera, warping lenses, sophomoric smut, stupefying action. With Amy Smart, Bai Ling, Clifton Collins, Jr., and Dwight Yoakam; directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. (2009) — Duncan Shepherd

Rated R | 1 hour, 25 minutes
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This movie is not currently in theaters.


The question isn't how but, why? This movie is a adult cartoon, nothing more. The first movie was at least an original, and ended succinctly. And when you fall out of airplane without a parachute you splatter, period end of story. But miraculously the Jason Statham character survives (just like a Bugs Bunny cartoon) and lives to die and live and die in this sequel. I am a Statham fan and I was compelled to see it because of it, and say to you I regret every minute that I did. Strictly a movie for the video gamer crowd, those are the only ones who can get into this ridiculous mayhem fest.

April 23, 2009

This movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be….it was MUCH, MUCH, worse. There are not enough words in the English language to describe how truly horrible this movie was. It was like watching an hour and a half porn/heavy metal music video mixed with a video game. I feel like I lost 10 points on my IQ just by having sat through the whole thing. Let me just do a quick re-cap of some of the “highlights” of the movie. There was the part where the guy got his elbow chopped off with a machete. There was the part where the heavily tattooed thug cuts his own nipples off. There is also an overly explicit heart surgery scene, a floating/talking head in a tank, a shootout in a strip bar, and a strange gay guy with full bodied tourette’s syndrome. Add in the fact that Jason Statham’s character is somehow immune to the effects of high doses of electrical shocks and you having the making of something awful. I have thought hard about it and have decided that this is definitely the worst movie I have ever seen.

April 27, 2009

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