Or: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Abortion. Well, okay, not funny, exactly. But it does involve the world’s handsomest pickpocket (Peter Facinelli) fleeing from the world’s most bumbling future chief of police (Michael Madsen) with the world’s prettiest part-time waitress/pregnant paramour (Jaimie Alexander) in tow, before …
aka How Uncanny Was My Valley. Guo Jingming directs. In Mandarin with English subtitles.
George Axelrod's nihilstic, often hysterical demolishment of California — and teenagers in general, parents in general, sex education, beach party movies, and any other topic that floats into his head. For the first time since directing one of his own scripts, Axelrod is either extremely ironic or uncomfortable about the …
Harry D'Amour, Occult P.I., on the trail of a master black magician, leading ultimately to the mouth and very long esophagus of Hell. Some intelligent chewing-over of the distinction between mere illusionism and real magic: "Illusionists get Las Vegas contracts; magicians get burned." Some dense, oppressive, persuasive atmosphere. Some signature …
A second screen version of William (now Sir William) Golding's allegory about a group of schoolboys left to their own devices on an uninhabited island. This version, in contrast to the 1963 one, has American boys instead of British ones, and color instead of black-and-white, and references to ALF and …
Hodgepodge-y animated feature, with the figures drawn in an alienatingly different style from the backgrounds and with the more complicated crowd scenes handled by way of trick photography that is closer to live action than to animation. Those who have resolutely dodged the Tolkien trilogy prior to seeing the movie …
Dr. Tolkien's home-cooked myth. First course only. All manner of visual invention, photographic trickery, computer magic, etc., cannot alter what is in essence an overblown bedtime story. They can only blow it up bigger. And the burden of it is more or less tripled by the knowledge that these three …
The former Fellowship of the Ring prepare for the final battle for Middle Earth, while Frodo (Elijah Wood) & Sam (Sean Astin) approach Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring. Directed by Peter Jackson, starring Sean Astin, Sean Bean, Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, Bernard Hill, Christopher Lee, and Ian McKellen.
Dr. Tolkien's home-cooked myth. First course only. All manner of visual invention, photographic trickery, computer magic, etc., cannot alter what is in essence an overblown bedtime story. They can only blow it up bigger. And the burden of it is more or less tripled by the knowledge that these three …
The former Fellowship of the Ring prepare for the final battle for Middle Earth, while Frodo (Elijah Wood) & Sam (Sean Astin) approach Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring. Directed by Peter Jackson, starring Sean Astin, Sean Bean, Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, Bernard Hill, Christopher Lee, and Ian McKellen.
Another three hours on the journey of a thousand miles, with pretty much the entire third hour given over to a single indecisive battle. (And now: "The battle for Middle-earth is about to begin.") The viewer who did not scrounge up the video of Part One for a refresher, or …
Another three hours on the journey of a thousand miles, with pretty much the entire third hour given over to a single indecisive battle. (And now: "The battle for Middle-earth is about to begin.") The viewer who did not scrounge up the video of Part One for a refresher, or …
A sudden attack by Wulf, a clever and ruthless Dunlending lord seeking vengeance for the death of his father, forces Helm and his people to make a daring last stand in the ancient stronghold of the Hornburg— a mighty fortress that will later come to be known as Helm’s Deep. …
A sudden attack by Wulf, a clever and ruthless Dunlending lord seeking vengeance for the death of his father, forces Helm and his people to make a daring last stand in the ancient stronghold of the Hornburg— a mighty fortress that will later come to be known as Helm’s Deep. …
Overly verbal, narration-heavy elucidation of the world of an illicit arms dealer. It's no help that the narrator and arms dealer is a smug cynic who chews our ears off for a full two hours: "By the mid-Eighties, my weapons were represented in eight out of the world's top ten …