Almost Factual News Entries for March, 2012

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SDSU "Retires" Zuma Mascot

"Kid-Friendly" Jaguar Mascot Has Still-Beating Heart Pulled from Chest and Eaten by Official Mascot Aztec Warrior, And Is Then Flayed ...

N-Cups

In Wake of Shutdown, San Onofre Nuclear Generator Station Installs Radiation-Resistant Covers on Containment Vessels SONGS Plant Manager: "As the ...

Anonymous Takes Credit for Lifted Lorax Statue

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/mar/28/21751/ LA JOLLA - Authorities made a breakthrough today in their search for the thieves who stole the Lorax statue ...

View from the Campaign Trail: Bonnie "Mommie" Dumanis

How 2012 mayoral candidate Bonnie Dumanis sees her opposiiton: http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/mar/27/21653/ Carl "Goo Goo" DeMaio thinks everyone will like him after ...

View from the Campaign Trail: Bob "the Democrat" Filner

How 2012 mayoral candidate Bob Filner sees his opponents: Republican fat-cats, every one. http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/mar/23/21407/ Nathan "Laser Cat" Fletcher knows he ...

City Orders Removal of Quetzalcoatl Mural from Balboa Park's Centro Cultural de la Raza

Office of Parks and Recreation Rules that Mural of Feathered Snake God and Fertility Goddess Violates California Constitution's No Preference ...

Dalai Lama to San Diego: "You Are Not Worthy"

Spiritual Leader of Tibet Cancels San Diego Appearances After Learning of "Grossly Exploitative" Prices for Scalped Tickets "Did not one ...

View from the Campaign Trail: Carl "The Cleaner" DeMaio

How 2012 San Diego Mayoral Candidate Carl DeMaio sees his opponents: From Left: Nathan "Captain Midnight" Fletcher, backroom operator behind ...

Schmart

Three More San Diego Unified Port District Public Art Committee Members Resign Over "Sentimental, Derivative" Statue Depicting Sailor's Homecoming "Why ...

Invisible Children Founder Attempts to Make Invisible Children with Invisible Woman

Charity Co-Founder Jason Russell Detained by Police in Pacific Beach Officer: "Let's just call it masturbating in public, okay? The ...

Local AA Groups Plan for St. Patrick's Day

Alcoholism-Management Program Plans to Observe Nation's Drunkest Holiday "In Its Own Way." "Sponsor me, I'm Irish" buttons hot sellers. CHURCH ...

Af-GAS-istan

Secretary of Defense to Pendleton Marines in Stationed in Afghanistan: "We'd Like to Bring All of You Home This Summer, ...

View from the Campaign Trail: Nathan "G.I." Fletcher

How 2012 San Diego Mayoral Candidate Nathan Fletcher sees his opponents: From left to right: Bonnie "Baroness" Dumanis, a ruthless ...

"Forget It Jake, It's Metropolitan."

Local Private Eye Claims to Have Uncovered Shadow Government Tied to Water Management District "Behind every great fortune there is ...

iPadding

Fashion Valley Apple Store Strains to Generate Buzz for New iPad. "It's not an old and tired slogan. It's a ...

Mayor Time!

Filner, De Maio, Dumanis, and Fletcher Reveal Common Goal for San Diego: "For it to be ruled over by me."

Game Changer

Padres Report: Andrew Cashner's Bionic Arm Has Promising First Outing Against Mariners "Recovery From Last Season's Rotator Cuff Injury" Revealed ...

Oopsie!

Opposing Pitchers Defend Frequent Hit-By-Pitch Incidents Against Camouflaged Padres "We can't miss what we can't see!" Padres third baseman Oscar ...

The Old Hidden Ball(player) Trick

Padres Opponents Cry Foul Over Camouflage Uniforms "We can't beat what we can't see!" Padres outfielder Jeremy Hermida (left) congratulates ...

Sheriffs Warn Against New Extreme Sport: Murder-Suiciding

Officials Say That Amateur Copycats Often Botch Attempts, With Serious Injuries as Result "Done correctly, it's literally the ultimate thrill. ...

Urban Pastoral

San Diego City Council Approves Backyard Goats http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgqGuE2Zj74

Urban Chickens

San Diego City Council Approves Backyard Chickens Within City Limits http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_2_EJogf2A

Not the Bees!

Nicolas Cage reacts to City Council's Decision to Allow Backyard Bees http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MqTCIDKhU

Mexican Ex-President Proposes Drug Snak-Paks for American Middle Schoolers

Vicente Fox Addresses Coronado Middle School Students, Says "Responsible Consumption" Is Only Solution to International Drug Violence Lunchable-Style Packages Would ...

"Why Doesn't Anyone Believe Us?"

City Official Issues Strongly Worded Whine About Media's Lack of Credulousness San Diego Chief Operating Officer Jay Goldbrick: "The city's ...