Following titanic struggle with neighbors over new construction, administration admits, "There will be peace in heaven, but down here in Normal Heights, it's war - and we intend to win."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/29/44570/ OLW's new mascot, the "Queen of Clubs"

Team denies inviting former running back to return for 2013 season

Longtime San Diego Chargers star running back LaDainian Tomlinson recently told Yahoo! Sports that the team had invited him back for one last bout of punishing runs up the middle. He claimed to have met Chargers Executive Vice President John …

"What's that? April is too early to be talking about football? What are you gonna do - watch the Padres?"

PICK #1: D.J. Fluker, offensive tackle out of Alabama! http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/29/44565/ "As a committed Catholic," says Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers, "I believe what Paul writes in his letter to the Romans: "All things work together for good for those who love …

Gift follows company's announcement of successfully printed liver cells

Diageo spokesman: "I'm sure this doesn't require any kind of explanation. And it should be noted that we're not asking them to produce brand-new transplantable livers in the next year or two. Maybe just a sort of liver patch. Something …

Steam generator manufacturer pleads justifiable ignorance regarding warning in obscure trade publication.

Today, U-T San Diego broke a story about a 2005 article that warned about the very design problem that lead to the 2012 shutdown of San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station. Plus, they found someone who was willing to comment on …

Padres CEO runs afoul of yet another social group following comments on Zack Greinke

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/19/44097/ Tom Garfinkel, President and Chief Executive Officer of the San Diego Padres, has apparently offended some folks who are cannibals or have relatives who are cannibals. During a dinner that Garfinkel attended with two of his old high school …

Marijuana advocates: "This is nothing more than a smokescreen to avoid vigorous debate, and it stinks like schwag."

City Council source: "They were hoping to hold the meeting on 4/20, but it turns out, that's a Saturday this year." http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/18/44038/ "It's typical pothead paranoia," says a City Councilman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We graciously grant them an …

"Apparently, beating them helps us beat them."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/18/44037/ Quentin kept his center of gravity low, but allowed himself to get off-balance. "Remember how [San Francisco 49ers receiving great] Jerry Rice took ballet?," asks Padres manager Bud Black. "Well, this is kind of like that. Excellence in baseball …

"When we gave kids access to top-of-the-line film production equipment, Point Loma Lesbian High School wasn't what we had in mind."

Student director: "What did they think we were going to produce? Citizen Kane, Jr.? http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43992/ Just a few short months after the opening of Point Loma High School's film production facility, the program has been suspended pending the results of …

"What part of 'Donna Frye doesn't work here any more' don't you people understand?"

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43984/ Filner then spat on the ground and bared his teeth before declaring, "I AM THE MAYOR. YOU DO NOT INVESTIGATE ME. I INVESTIGATE YOU. THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR MY ADMINISTRATION."

Of course it does. Why are you looking at me like that?

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43982/ The sort of thing we can expect to see around Point Loma High School in the near future "I was looking at the numbers from the 2012 Sundance Film Festival," explained Pippa Dreme, Vice-Principal for Believing in Yourself at …

"It's time we made all these trainer injuries a feature instead of a bug."

RETHINKING THE MEANING OF 'SOAK ZONE,' SEA WORLD - "Simply put, we're putting the 'killer' back in 'killer whale,'" explains Crave Bloodsport, new director of events and exhibitions for Sea World San Diego. "When the company decided to take itself …

"Who are we kidding? These kids don't need trig. They need triage."

DANCING AROUND AN ENORMOUS BONFIRE OF PAPERBACK COPIES OF FAHRENHEIT 451, SWEETWATER HIGH SCHOOL - Yesterday, the Sweetwater Union High School District board voted to shut down the Regional Occupational Programs that provided career-oriented training to students and other members …

"They get free advertising, we get free recruitment. It's a win-win."

MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT "CHILD SOLDIERS," MIRAMAR - "There's no question that the sequester hurt us," says Cruise Topgun, Head of Youth Outreach for the Miramar Air Show. "When the word came down that they were cutting the Blue Angels' $35 …

"Is large-scale conceptual art too difficult for you people to comprehend?"

In response to the pitch from Finwater Advisors to establish a downtown arts and entertainment district stretching north/south from Ash Street to Broadway and east/west from Ninth Avenue to First, Deputy City Attorney Carrie Gleeson has stated that "San Diego …

"That's just crazy talk."

RETHINKING MY DECISION TO LIGHT UP AND ENJOY A SMOKE BREAK, MISSION VALLEY - Last night, a tanker carrying over 8,000 gallons of highly flammable ethanol flipped over on its side in dangerous proximity to Qualcomm Staidum and began spilling …

"I'm not about to waste my time giving people what they manifestly don't want."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43321/ Screencap of city's Open Government website. "[Former public transparency czar] Donna [Frye] was a capable woman," said the mayor in a statement. "But even she wasn't capable of making San Diegans give a damn about the momentous decisions made …

"OMG, they noticed us!" gushes mayor. "It's so exciting!"

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43318/ "If there's one thing I love to embrace at the end of a day spent developing cancer-killing nanobots," says Aldena Corp biotech engineer Victor Fulgenski, "it's two armsful of easy, breezy Southern California casualness. And I know the same …

Critics demand investigation into possible insurance fraud attempt on part of SONGS owner SDGE

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43317/ Pictured: the sorry excuse for a missile launched by North Korea (above); the defunct and strategically useless nuclear power plant at San Onofre (below). SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, PACIFIC OCEAN - Willy Bommus was piloting his …

Renaming marks new era in U.S.-Mexico relations

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/04/43223/ Dozens of people gathered on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border yesterday to protest the proposed closing of Friendship Park, the narrow strip of land dedicated by First Lady Pat Nixon in 1971 as a meet 'n greet zone …

"Sometimes, the homophobia is so subtle you have to look for it."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/04/43213/ "The way I see it," says local sensitive soul Connie Speracie, "the City Overlords want us to STOP thinking it's NORMAL for HARVEY MILK to be on top of BLAINE - whoever he is." Photo credit.

The stand-up mayor takes a moment to address regional criminal activity

Take it away, Bob: http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43086/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43087/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43088/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43089/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43090/