Almost Factual News Entries for April, 2013

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Our Lady of Peace changes name to Our Lady of Whoopass

Following titanic struggle with neighbors over new construction, administration admits, "There will be peace in heaven, but down here in Normal Heights, it's war - and we intend to win."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/29/44570/ OLW's new mascot, the "Queen of Clubs"

Chargers clarify invitation to LaDainian Tomlinson

Team denies inviting former running back to return for 2013 season

Longtime San Diego Chargers star running back LaDainian Tomlinson recently told Yahoo! Sports that the team had invited him back ...

2013 Chargers draft report

"What's that? April is too early to be talking about football? What are you gonna do - watch the Padres?"

PICK #1: D.J. Fluker, offensive tackle out of Alabama! http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/29/44565/ "As a committed Catholic," says Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers, "I ...

Liquor giant Diageo donates $1 billion to local biotech Orgonovo

Gift follows company's announcement of successfully printed liver cells

Diageo spokesman: "I'm sure this doesn't require any kind of explanation. And it should be noted that we're not asking ...

Mitsubishi on San Onofre generator flaw: "We didn't get the memo."

Steam generator manufacturer pleads justifiable ignorance regarding warning in obscure trade publication.

Today, U-T San Diego broke a story about a 2005 article that warned about the very design problem that lead ...

Garfinkel keeps talking

Padres CEO runs afoul of yet another social group following comments on Zack Greinke

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/19/44097/ Tom Garfinkel, President and Chief Executive Officer of the San Diego Padres, has apparently offended some folks who are ...

City Council sets medical marijuana hearing for 4:20 p.m.

Marijuana advocates: "This is nothing more than a smokescreen to avoid vigorous debate, and it stinks like schwag."

City Council source: "They were hoping to hold the meeting on 4/20, but it turns out, that's a Saturday this ...

After sweeping Dodgers, Padres hire local Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu master as combat consultant

"Apparently, beating them helps us beat them."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/18/44037/ Quentin kept his center of gravity low, but allowed himself to get off-balance. "Remember how [San Francisco 49ers receiving ...

Point Loma High School film studio shut down during investigation into porn shoot

"When we gave kids access to top-of-the-line film production equipment, Point Loma Lesbian High School wasn't what we had in mind."

Student director: "What did they think we were going to produce? Citizen Kane, Jr.? http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43992/ Just a few short months ...

Mayor Filner comments on public records lawsuit

"What part of 'Donna Frye doesn't work here any more' don't you people understand?"

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43984/ Filner then spat on the ground and bared his teeth before declaring, "I AM THE MAYOR. YOU DO NOT ...

Point Loma High School film studio equips students for Hollywood careers

Of course it does. Why are you looking at me like that?

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/17/43982/ The sort of thing we can expect to see around Point Loma High School in the near future "I ...

Sea World seeks to increase interest in IPO by opening Shamu: Blood in the Water

"It's time we made all these trainer injuries a feature instead of a bug."

RETHINKING THE MEANING OF 'SOAK ZONE,' SEA WORLD - "Simply put, we're putting the 'killer' back in 'killer whale,'" explains ...

In stunning reversal, Sweetwater board votes to restore occupational programs, cut everything else

"Who are we kidding? These kids don't need trig. They need triage."

DANCING AROUND AN ENORMOUS BONFIRE OF PAPERBACK COPIES OF FAHRENHEIT 451, SWEETWATER HIGH SCHOOL - Yesterday, the Sweetwater Union High ...

Miramar Air Show replaces Blue Angels with characters from Pixar's Planes

"They get free advertising, we get free recruitment. It's a win-win."

MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT "CHILD SOLDIERS," MIRAMAR - "There's no question that the sequester hurt us," says Cruise Topgun, Head of ...

Deputy City Attorney: "San Diego already has an arts and entertainment district."

"Is large-scale conceptual art too difficult for you people to comprehend?"

In response to the pitch from Finwater Advisors to establish a downtown arts and entertainment district stretching north/south from Ash ...

8,000-gallon ethanol spill next to Qualcomm absolutely not part of attempt to burn down stadium, insist Chargers officials

"That's just crazy talk."

RETHINKING MY DECISION TO LIGHT UP AND ENJOY A SMOKE BREAK, MISSION VALLEY - Last night, a tanker carrying over ...

In wake of Frye resignation, Mayor Filner declares Open Government project closed

"I'm not about to waste my time giving people what they manifestly don't want."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43321/ Screencap of city's Open Government website. "[Former public transparency czar] Donna [Frye] was a capable woman," said the mayor ...

Mayor Filner changes San Diego's title from "America's Finest City" to "Pleasantville" in response to New York Times article

"OMG, they noticed us!" gushes mayor. "It's so exciting!"

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43318/ "If there's one thing I love to embrace at the end of a day spent developing cancer-killing nanobots," says ...

Broke-down North Korean missile fails to hit busted-ass San Diego nuclear power plant

Critics demand investigation into possible insurance fraud attempt on part of SONGS owner SDGE

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/05/43317/ Pictured: the sorry excuse for a missile launched by North Korea (above); the defunct and strategically useless nuclear power ...

Friendship Park re-opens as Emnity Alley

Renaming marks new era in U.S.-Mexico relations

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/04/43223/ Dozens of people gathered on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border yesterday to protest the proposed closing of Friendship ...

Hillcrest residents protest Harvey Milk St. signage

"Sometimes, the homophobia is so subtle you have to look for it."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/04/43213/ "The way I see it," says local sensitive soul Connie Speracie, "the City Overlords want us to STOP thinking ...

Filner comments on the Oceanside cannibal case

The stand-up mayor takes a moment to address regional criminal activity

Take it away, Bob: http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43086/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43087/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43088/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43089/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/apr/03/43090/

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