Amanda Habel 8:46 p.m., Sept. 2
Broke-down North Korean missile fails to hit busted-ass San Diego nuclear power plant
Critics demand investigation into possible insurance fraud attempt on part of SONGS owner SDGE
Pictured: the sorry excuse for a missile launched by North Korea (above); the defunct and strategically useless nuclear power plant at San Onofre (below).
SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, PACIFIC OCEAN - Willy Bommus was piloting his oceanic research vessel Seacomber toward a newly located trench on the sea floor when he saw a missile streaking across the sky. "Everybody stopped and stared, and after a few seconds, the missile just kind of stopped. It was like one of those Road Runner cartoons where they hang for a second or two before dropping." The missile splashed down and sank, but Bommus and his team acted fast, and were able to recover the piece of military hardware.
"Based on the fact that the phrase 'San Diego or Bust' was painted on the side of the missile in Korean," says Bommus, "we suspect that the missile was launched from North Korea at San Diego, a city it was targeting for some reason. We also found a note taped to the nose cone which read, 'Property of San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station. If found, please return as quickly as possible, preferably from a very high height.' So we're guessing that they were targeting the non-operational power plant."
"I suppose I should be thrilled that the attack was a failure," concluded Bommus. "But really, the whole thing is just too sad for words."
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