Almost Factual News Entries for September, 2011

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Reader Writer Inspires Local Biotech Firm to Create Man-Pig Chimera

John Brizzolara's Awed Envy Over 30-Minute Porcine Orgasm Sends Embryo-Fiddlers Into Fevered Frenzy of Frankensteining "We figure that most men ...

Gaga Gone Wrong!

San Diego Model in Stable Condition After Mass Pigeon Attack on Dress Made from Cranberries. Hindsight Commissioner: "It's common sense: ...

San Diego Airport to Replace "Smarte Carts" with "Prison Porters"

Plan Would Ease Stress on Overcrowded County Prisons, Also Ease Stress on Overburdened Airline Passengers "We think people will appreciate ...

Netflix Spinoff Qwikster Pays $20 Million for Naming Rights to New Central Library

DVD Delivery Arm of Popular Movie Service Seeks Needed Public Relations Boost; San Diego Library System Seeks Needed Cash Money ...

In Celebration of Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Waterfront's "Unconditional Surrender" Statue to be Replaced by "Hey, Sailor."

On August 14, 1945, New York City exploded into celebration over V-J day and the end of the Second World ...

CA-52 West Blocked by Elephant as La Jollans Attempt to Stop Obama's Fundraising Visit

President Obama's scheduled $5000-a-plate lunchtime fundraiser today at the La Jolla home of Elizabeth and Mason Phelps may be in ...

GLAAD Calls Reader "San Diego's Most Gay-Friendly Alternative Weekly"

Gay-Rights Organization Singles Out Paper for Praise In Wake of SDGLN's Numerous Difficulties With San Diego CityBeat "Say what you ...

Top Gun Remake to Do Away with Homoerotic Subtext, Raise Homoeroticism to Level of Text

Film to Receive Full Cooperation of San Diego-based Naval Operations As Part of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Replacement Program, "Show ...

Talk to the Invisible Hand: Che Cafe Comes Face to Face with Economic Realities

Reports the Union-Tribune: "If student and volunteer operators cannot raise enough money to pay the annual insurance premium due in ...

Controversy at USD: AFFIRM or DENY?

As Reader writer Dave Rice recently reported, the University of San Diego has just received $600,000 from the National Science ...

Chargers Coach Norv Turner: "I'm The Only Trickster God This Team Needs, Thank You Very Much."

During the press conference following his team's devastating, turnover-rich loss to the New England Patriots, San Diego Chargers Coach Norv ...

San Diego School District Offers "Whooping Colony" Classroom for Unvaccinated Students

Plan Would Allow Unvaccinated Students to Receive Education, Impecunious District to Receive Funds "They may be unclean, but they're still ...

Hispanic Hipsters Celebrate Mexican Dependence Day

All over San Diego this weekend, celebrations are planned to mark the anniversary of Mexican Independence Day, culminating with El ...

Chargers Coach Norv Turner Has Yet to Emerge From Mountain Retreat

Turner was last seen approaching the entrance on his knees, wearing only his headset and a Chargers-branded loincloth. Mercurial Leader ...

Accused Sex Crimes Detective Responds to Sexual Harrassment Allegations

SPECIAL GUEST COLUMN: Detective Edward Fletes, accused by fellow detective Deborah Burger of creating an "intimidating and hostile work environment ...

Busted: Dumanis Denies Involvement in Pines Case, Photos Tell a Different Story

District attorney and 2012 San Diego mayoral candidate Bonnie Dumanis pulled a dramatic no-show at Friday's preliminary hearing for former ...

If At First...

Richard Tuite Looking Forward to Reattempted Escape Before Retrial for Murder of Stephanie Crowe "I've learned my lesson - steer ...

Good Press Going to Philip Rivers' Head?

Head Coach Norv Turner: "Look, I know Peter King picked Philip as this year's MVP. But the bling helmet is ...

Dressed Down

Entire Charger Girl Squad Hit with One-Game Suspension for Wearing Practice Uniforms to Opening Day Game "T-Shirts? The fans can ...

Red, White, and Totally Nude?

Cheetah's Gentleman's Club, eager to prevent any renewed association with the 9/11 hijackers stemming from the ten-year-anniversary of the attacks, ...

Have a PLEASANT day.

La Mesa, leery about its connections to 9/11, plans PLEASANT initiative (Protect Liberty: Eye Arabs Suspiciously And Notice Terrorism) to ...

Not the Usual Sort of Fraternity-Related Blackout

SDSU Sigma Alpha Epsilon Chapter President: "In hindsight, there was probably a less disruptive way to stage our panty raid ...

SDPD: Conduct Unsporting?

Locals Snared in Pacific Beach DUI Checkpoint Charge Entrapment "What the hell else are we supposed to do in PB?" ...

EXCLUSIVE: God Preparing to Destroy San Diego Because of Locally Based Effort to Outlaw Male Circumcision

Almighty, Ever-Living God Enraged At Humanity's Effort to Criminalize the Outward Sign of Membership in the Chosen People, Plans Massive ...

The Zahau Suicide Ruling: A Dangerous Precedent?

In Bizarre Legal Reversal, Vista Man Who Doused Ex-Wife with Gasoline and Attempted to Set Her on Fire Is Released ...