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Plan Would Allow Unvaccinated Students to Receive Education, Impecunious District to Receive Funds

"They may be unclean, but they're still human. And we're still out of money."

Following last year's spike in statewide instances of the potentially deadly infection known as whooping cough, the California legislature passed a law requiring all public school students in grades 7-12 show proof of vaccination against the disease before being allowed to attend classes. A 30-day extension was eventually granted, but even so, as recently as one month ago, some 40,000 San Diego County students - 21,000 of them in San DIego Unified - had still failed to get their shots.

Now the extension deadline has passed, and reports are coming in that the germophobic educational overlords up in San Francisco are sending unvaccinated children packing. As of press time, it is estimated that roughly 2,000 students in San Francisco's Unified remain unvaccinated.

Because of strong activity among regional Breeders, San Diego's problems are much larger. “The absence of 21,000 unvaccinated children could result in the loss of millions of dollars on a day-to-day basis," said Superintendent Bill Kowba, because school districts receive state funding based on daily attendance. "At this time of unprecedented budget cuts, districts across the county and the state cannot afford any loss of revenue.”

As a stopgap measure, the District has reached an agreement with the Municipal Government of Tijuana to establish a temporary school on South Coronado Island, several miles off the San Diego coast. "There's a workable bay there," explained Kowba, "so bringing in children and supplies would not be a problem. And the foundations of the old Prohibition-era casino are still in place, so we could probably set something up there. Now it's just a matter of finding teachers brave enough to work with these poor, possibly infectious wretches. We're thinking of offering Fridays off."

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