Liz Swain 4:24 p.m., May 24
CA-52 West Blocked by Elephant as La Jollans Attempt to Stop Obama's Fundraising Visit
President Obama's scheduled $5000-a-plate lunchtime fundraiser today at the La Jolla home of Elizabeth and Mason Phelps may be in jeopardy. The President's planned motorcade route, leaked last night on 4chan, was set to take him from Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, down the 15 South, then along the 52 West and into La Jolla. But wealthy La Jolla Republicans, angered by the President's proposed "millionaire tax," have taken steps to make Obama acknowledge the elephant in the room - or in this case, the elephant in the road.
"It's not a subtle message," explained Randall Worthington Montgomery IV between morning tennis sets at the La Jolla Country Club, "but then, subtle messages don't seem to get noticed much in today's political climate. The President is of course free to propose a plan that would tax millionaires such as myself and the Phelps right back into the middle class. But we think it takes a special kind of gall to then sidle up to those same millionaires and ask for a handout. If he wants donations, perhaps he should ask for some from that precious middle class he's always going on about. Just don't come looking for cash in La Jolla. That's why we, er, someone put the elephant in the roadway. A Republican political roadblock, if you will."
Officials at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park, from which the elephant was apparently pilfered, have expressed bewilderment as to exactly how the feat was managed. "We never would have guessed that Republicans could be clever enough to conceive of something like this, let alone pull it off without causing an ecological disaster. What's next, a viable Presidential candidate?"