Shelli DeRobertis 5:08 p.m., June 19
Turner was last seen approaching the entrance on his knees, wearing only his headset and a Chargers-branded loincloth.
Mercurial Leader Presumably Still Attempting to Discern What the Universe is Trying to Tell Him Following Twin Tragedies of Yielded Opening Kickoff Touchdown Return and Loss of Nate Kaeding for Season
QB Rivers tweets: "If he's not out of there by Friday afternoon, I'm going in after him. Either that, or I'm calling my own plays come Sunday." Riots ensue.
Informed of situation, Darth Vader casts eyes to heaven and cries, "Noooooooooorrrv!"