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Entire Charger Girl Squad Hit with One-Game Suspension for Wearing Practice Uniforms to Opening Day Game

"T-Shirts? The fans can get that at home."

What Charger fans were expecting on opening day:

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What they got:

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SCOUTING FOR EMERGENCY REPLACEMENTS AT DEJA VU - "At first," sputtered outraged Charger Cheer Coach Brian Malarkey, "I figured this was one of [artist-provocateur Norv] Turner's conceptual pranks. You know - subverting the fantasy of the woman who is perpetually adorned for your enjoyment, showing the harem on their day off, that sort of thing. But no. Turns out Christie went to a blackout party on Thursday night that stretched far enough into Friday that she lost track of what day it was and told everyone to be sure to bring their Saturday scrimmage outfits. By the time Starkesha figured out what was what, God bless her, it was too late. They tried to pretend it was a throwback thing, but nobody was buying."

Malarkey took a sip of his carrot juice and asked the girl working the stage to throw a couple of high kicks. "Don't forget to imagine you're holding pom-poms, sweetie," he advised, tucking a couple of singles into her g-string. "Sheesh. I've been in the clubs ever since the post-game, and I swear, I've got cramps in my bill-tucking fingers. I told Norv this was no way to blow through his petty cash fund, but he was adamant. Sunday is his day to orchestrate, and when someone pulls something like this - well, imagine if the gladiators in Gladiator had showed up in jogging suits. So the girls are sitting the next one out, and I've got to put a temporary squad together, pronto."

He sighed. "I bet this sort of thing never happens in Dallas."

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