San Diego Reader

Is it wrong to lie to a child by telling them that once a year a sleigh led by 8 reindeer deposits a red-draped fatso bearing a sack of toys on your roof?

Don't ask me.

Who even knew from a red suit? Santa first appeared in monochrome, probably on a cartoon or TV show that aired on my parent's black-and-white Philco. The follow-up discussion went something like this:

Scooter: "Who's that, daddy?"

Larry: "Who?" (Directing his attention to the TV.) "That's Santa Claus."

Scooter: "Who's Santa Claus?"

Larry: "A make-believe character who leaves toys for kids on Christmas. We're Jewish, so it really doesn't concern us."

And that's that!

I spent years suffering from Christmas tree-envy. "Can't we call it a Hanukkah bush?" I pleaded, but Larry and Babe stood firm.

When was the last time you talked to someone who is young enough to still believe in Santa Claus? I recently had the good fortune and for the first time in ages, it feels like Christmas. Forget about presents and colored lights: nothing hammers home the spirit of the holiday season quite like talking Claus with a kid. You should try it.

Next year remind me to seek out seasonal employment playing the fat bastard at a Westfield shopping mall. I can see it now: "X-BOX?! What's that, kid? How about a Blu-ray player and a copy of Raging Bull instead?"

Make sure and keep the little ones away from some of the following videos. I don't want to ruin Christmas for them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3HSS3kek-Y

It's worth slogging through the commercials to hear RoseMarie sing "Santa Send a Fella Into My Life" at 15:25. http://www.hulu.com/watch/113991

"Santa send a cancer into my life!"