Almost Factual News Entries for December, 2011

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San Diego: Land of the Lotus-Eaters?

Local Pharmaceutical Company Plans Release of Super Painkiller, Hopes to Ease Suffering Brought On By Collapse of American Economy "Zohydro ...

Is Councilman Gloria Dropping Support for the Fight Against Prop 8?

Openly Gay Councilman's Recent Comments on Redevelopment Ruling May Indicate Shift in Political Philosophy "What about the will of the ...

Dept. of Justice: Award to Family in Military Jet Crash Case Creates "Dangerous Precedent"

U.S. Government Ordered to Pay $17.8 Million in Damages After Jet Crashes into University City Home and Kills Inhabitants; Officials ...

Minority Report: Manuel vs. Manny

Hispanic Teacher Runs Afoul of Gay-Rights Group Over Proposed Film Aimed at Keeping Kids Out of Prison No good deed? ...

Atheists Propose Alternative to Camp Pendleton Cross

Anti-Faith Group Claims Middle Finger Statue Would Express "Marines' Attitude Toward the Enemy, Toward Death, and Arguably, Toward Any Deity ...

Music Time: Looking Ahead to 2012

Which San Diego Bands Will Get Big Enough to Leave San Diego Next Year? Stay tuned for our music blogger ...

Food Time: Chef Brian Malarkey Announces New Venture

Keeping with Fabric Theme, Santee Restaurant Will Be Dubbed 'Spandex,' Menu Set to Feature Deep Fried Everything "Uncle Moe's Family ...

Manchester Buys San Diego CityBeat

Editor: the president of CityBeat's owner, Southland Publishing, has made the following request for changes with regard to this story: ...

Location, Location, Location

La Jolla's Super-Luxury "Razor House" Sells For One-Third its Asking Price, Local Wags Point to Unavoidable Views of Black's Beach ...

Distasteful

Campbell's Chunky-Brand Soup Discontinues Planned Tagline Following Leak of Grisly Confession from Mexican Body-Disposal Expert "In hindsight, as soon as ...

"Groceries for Guns" Yields Bumper Crop for Local Gang

East Side National City Ojos Host Successful Gun Exchange, Distribute More Than 1,000 Firearms in Exchange for Food and Supermarket ...

COMMUNISM ON THE RISE

Local Reds Employ Hammer and Sickle in Violent Effort to Redistribute Wealth by Robbing Sprint Store in Kearny Mesa Well, ...

Arizona's "Sheriff Joe" Announces Retirement, Decision to Move to Escondido

Embattled Sheriff Looking Forward to "Peace and Quiet and the Company of Fellow American Citizens." "Finally, a place where justice ...

El Cajon Faces Voting Rights Lawsuit

Civil Rights Group Demands Living-Room Style Elections, Claims Poll-Based Voting Discriminates Against the Chronically Lazy and/or Chemically Impaired El Cajon ...

Camp Pendleton Commander: Stop the Madness

Marine Expeditionary Force Leader Begs Obama to Stop Troop Pullout from Iraq, Citing "Grave Economic Risk" to America "Those boys ...

Manchester Gets Literal at the U-T

Newspaper's Website Runs Delightful Gallery of Nubile Young Ladies Associated with Local Professional Sports Franchise, Thereby Arousing Support for Same ...

(Astro)turf War

East Coast-West Coast Rivalry Erupts on SDSU Campus Following Football Program's Decision to Sign with Big East Label, Basketball's Move ...

SDG&E Gets Serious, Enshrouds Moon in Stygian Shadow

Terrifying Celestial Darkness Intended to Serve as Warning to Solar-Home Customers Protesting Rate Hike Statement from SDG&E Chief Officer of ...

Vocal San Diego Publisher Explains Layoff of Education Reporter

Layoffs were announced today at the nonprofitable news outlet Vocal San Diego. Included in the list of writers and photographers ...

New U-T President Hodges: "We want everyone to be fired...up to come in here."

KNOCKING VERY HARD ON WOOD, SAN DIEGO READER OFFICES - Speaking to the entire terrified staff at the San Diego ...

Chargers Blackout for Sunday's Game

In Preparation for Matchup Against Bills, Local Sports Bars to Offer Consciousness-Obliterating Special Cocktail Lineup - and at Cheaper Price ...

Police Brutality?

In Response to Hunger Strikes Protesting Violent Police Response to Occupy San Diego, SDPD Begins Setting up "Bacon Stations" Around ...

Kelvin Acea: Fire Turner Now

Longtime Charger Reporter for the Spoonrun-Spittoon Says Victory Over Jacksonville Shows that Coach-Provocateur "No Longer Has the Heart for Truly ...

Sponsored Post: The Most Expensive Orgy in History

The Westgate Hotel is proud to invite the sophisticated and literate readers of Almost Factual News to celebrate the coming ...

On Such a Winter's Day

City Council Passes Ruling Mandating That San Diego Transplants Who Claim to "Miss the Seasons" Be Forced to Paint Local ...

Economic Indicator Report: Housing Starts Down, Tunnel Construction Up

According to figures released yesterday, San Diego's homebuilding market is continuing its nightmarish decline since the glory days of the ...