Garrett Harris 10:11 p.m., May 23
Today's fantastic Runner-Up needs no explanation. Read. Chuckle. Move onwards!
The winner of today's (always objective!) Best Of award goes to:
It's absolutely possible that this gem was sold, door-to-door, by an actual salesman. For the price of $0 you can read articles in the mode of the following examples:
Woodstock: Common name for quaint, American towns. Nothing more.
Moon: Large rock in sky, surface unmarred by human footstep.
Richard Nixon: Failed politician, unlikely to ever hold major office.
Gasoline: Fossil fuel derived from refined crude oil. Limitless and basically free!
British Currency: Absolutely, maddeningly irrational millennium-old system dealing with tuppence, shillings, and other absurdly confusing denominations.
Union of Soviet Socialist Republics: aka USSR, Soviet Union. Communist state, somewhere east of France. Enemy of US until the end of time.
Bottled Water: Popular in Europe, commercially unfeasible in United States.
Encyclopedias--they're like Wikipedia, but heavy!