Getting on it a little earlier today, as it is a pretty lucrative day in classified ads. Today's Runner-Up gets the nod for being incredibly melancholy. Basically, this is a ghost.

In happier news, here's the best ad for today:

Sporty's how to fly VDO - $30 (Normal Heights)

The title of this post plants marvelous dreams in my feverishly overactive imagination. In my dreams, this video is the key to unlocking the most marvelous gift of all--unassisted human flight.

We begin with some simple exercises; the flapping of arms and the visualization of self as weightless, ready for takeoff. "Think of it like swimming, but through the air" the soft-spoken narrator implores us as, onscreen, actors glide among the clouds. "The trick is to understand that you can fly. To believe it."

Is it really so simple? I have my doubts, yet I heed the master's words. Flapping my arms and willing myself towards the sky I am astonished as, slowly, I ascend. My flight is short-lived as I am unused to defying gravity more than is required to stand upright, but I am inspired. Over and over again I propel myself upwards, away from the soil, amazed at how happy my feet become, not being stood upon. When I rise higher than the roof of my home, a sense of triumph.

The course of videos teaches me many things: that the flapping of arms is ultimately unnecessary as the art of flight is a simple matter of will, the flapping is nothing but a gesture which aids in the initial focusing; flight is safe and largely unregulated, as much unlike driving a car as it is possible to be; we (people) were born to fly, it is in our nature, yet we had simply forgotten over the course of millenia spent under gravity's tyrannical sway; those who fly live, on average, ten years longer than the "grounded;" in flight, problems fall away and are lost on the breeze; the story of Icarus is, at best, misleading for nothing is or should be off limits to the daring.

By the time I've finished watching "How to Fly," performed the requisite exercises, and honed my mind to conquer the weakest of the fundamental forces of nature, I no longer need travel by terrestrial means. Instead, I step out my door and rocket upwards, unfettered.

Comments

CuddleFish Sept. 21, 2009 @ 4:51 p.m.

The first ad: Aw, Bless. :(

As to the second, I see them as related. Angels' wings, and all that. Could be the lack of lessons explains the feather in Forrest Gump.

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