Susan Luzzaro 5:30 p.m., Dec. 7
Who is this Best with which we are to wash?
Hard as it is to follow a day where there were Dirt Boards!! for sale, I've done the browsing and come up with your Runner-Up for the day. If it was in Normal Heights, this ad would definitely have a shot at victory. But hey, rules is rules.
Located within the bounds of Normal Heights, posted in the "For Sale" section as per the ironclad Rules, and here for your viewing pleasure, I give you today's big winner:
There are so very many reasons to love this ad: the breathless faith in the quality of the salable items; the reasonable price, considering this is the BEST washer EVER; the absence of an email address because, when the "dryer you've been looking for" (which happens to be immortal!) comes along, email is just too slow--everything about this ad is right! I don't even want to get started on the unspoken promise of "Wash[ing] With The Best," but I will say that it sounds absolutely rife with potential splendor and wonderment.
And the language, the language is pure poetry. I am sure that somewhere there is a scholar capable of proving that the metric structure of this post is (at the very least) on par with Shakespeare's finest verse. To me, however, nothing could be more beautiful than these four--five if you count the phone number--lines of artfully composed craigslist ad copy. I mean, it promises pure and never-ending happiness in the final line, and it does so with three verbs and a syntactically cunning prediction. This may sound crazy, but I actually feel like the last line is rhyming with a phrase that isn't even there to begin with! It's as though the poster crafted this artful couplet and then vanished the first/second line, leaving only the existing phrase for Maximum Poetic Impact. I'm picturing something akin to:
"Dirt, Stains, Soil, as far as the Eye can See
Call, See, Load-up, Happy you will always be!!"
Perhaps this is wildly insane conjecture, the kind of speculations most people learn not to make, rather than draw unwanted attention to themselves. But I cannot help it. In this ad, I see Poetic Genius.