Matthew Lickona 1:30 p.m., April 16
- Community Blog
- Normal Heights Through the Blue and White
Seducing the Breakers and Sweet-Talking the Swell
Doing my usual craigslist spelunk on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I cam across a prime Runner-Up for today's post:
Hmmmmmmm...... Not at all suspicious, not even the teensy-tiniest, ickle-bitiest bit of suspicion to be found there. Yup, if ever there was an incontrovertibly genuine Rolex sold on craigslist without even the slightest whiff or hint of ill-gotten plunder lingering like smoke over the remains of a botched-language posting, this is it.
Reeking of integrity as the day's Runner-Up is, it pales in comparison to the phenomenal posting which receives the Little Gold Man for the afternoon:
At first I thought this was just some sort of silly scam, designed to fleece the occasional, gullible citizen out of $275 for a one-year membership to the "RomancingTheWaves" social network and perhaps the occasional fifty (50) bucks for an invitation to one of the "events" at the yogurt shop or the self-storage units. It's not like craigslist has never seen any sort of hilarious scams before; anyone who has posted anything for sale has probably received one or two of the ubiquitous "Nigerian scammer" emails.
But, as it turns out, What Would It Be Like Living In Space? is so much more.
They're not just offering to take your money away, the are offering you the once in a lifetime experience of "living inside a bio mechanism," and not just any bio mechanism, a website or dubious legitimacy! Pick your jaws up off the floor, skeptics, and get ready to for assignment to your first "mission!"
Of course, this is a high-risk type of venture, simulating life in space via yogurt shop and self-storage unit. It stands to reason that tickets would have to be purchased well in advance before the organization could even begin to think about thinking about planning a possible event which may (or may not) take place if sufficient interest is generated in the "study." What are they studying? Well, telling would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?
If you don't have a crystal clear understanding of the project already just slide on over to the external website and any questions you could have will be answered, swiftly and accurately, by the well-designed, informative, totally unsuspicious, ad-riddled, artfully-coded bunch of hypertext therein.
If you're still feeling any trepidation, rest assured, the mysterious narrator of the advertisement "has been doing this for over 20 years and it's lot of fun and at the same time very complicated but is doable when it comes to being at peace." No worries at all, we are dealing with a professional here, someone experienced in the ways of answering the question, "What Would It Be Like Living In Space?" After all, it takes a keen mind to rig up the kind of bio mechanism adequate to the demands of such a line of inquiry. The master assures us that he has, "also developed a monetary system that you will find totally fantastic."
See, they thought of everything.
Oh, and did we forget to mention there was going to be a magnetic railway system which is (somehow) involve in all this? There is! And it will be fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that it requires mention in more than one post. See:
Yet more proof that this couldn't be any sort of underhanded, scammy type of dealing. Scams don't diversify, they run their grift and then disappear into the anonymity of the World Wide Web. This extreme thoroughness and intricacy is rock solid proof of RomancingTheWaves legitimacy. I would strongly advise any and all available ladies who are willing and able to dress in leather next to tiny cars trapped in bubbles, enormous coffee cups with tiny birds perched on, and human-sized champagne bottles to apply! Plus, you might get to meet the next RomancingTheWaves Extreme 15 Top Chef! A rarer honor, there never has been.
Let's put it this way:
Do you like exotic drinks?
Are you interested in living in a bio mechanism?
Think HyRail trains are somehow relevant to space travel?
Do you like things that are "artistic fashionable, sophisticated, sexy and tasty?"
Ever want to "loose your sense of smell, your mind your ability to feel comfortable?"
Got any money to which you're not particularly attached?
If you answered yes to two (2) or more of the preceding questions, head on over the the website and sign up!
See you in Space!