Garrett Harris 8 p.m., May 23
Bruck you, Masked Man! 4 cures for the common Lone Ranger
Were Matthew not brave enough to take two-and-a-half hours away from his lovely, remarkable family (and Wonder Dog, Oreo), The Lone Ranger would never have been reviewed in these pages. Two thoughts crossed my mind during the screening of the second, fecund Pirates of the Caribbean picture: either walk out or set fire to the screen. To avoid a fate worse than the one on screen, I wisely took it on the arches.
Does anyone really care about a Lone Ranger reboot? I never enjoyed the TV show; give me George Reeves and The Adventure of Superman, not some stale shoot-em-up with wooden acting. The funniest thing to emerge from the franchise came in 1979 when the owner of the Ranger character, Jack Wrather, sued actor Clayton Moore, prohibiting him from picking up cigarette money on the side while dressed in the costume. Moore went on every news outlet in the land blubbering about how the estate took his mask away.
Matthew hated it. Let the new Ranger alone. For those in need of a masked fix, here are four antidotes bound to repel the common remake.
Be sure to turn off the color for the following cartoon!
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