Ted Burke 1 p.m., May 27
What could go wrong?
Hey! Super was about real-life superheroes! Let's hire that guy to direct a superhero movie for Disney!
Oh, good grief. So James Gunn, who directed the nasty, brutish, and short (but also sweet, pure, and almost religious) film Super, somehow managed to get himself hired to direct Guardians of the Galaxy for Marvel/Disney. And so naturally, the Googling masses went to work, and found some raunchy bits on his blog about superheroes he would or would not like to bang. Nice. And such a surprise, coning from the guy who wrote the script for the game Lollipop Chainsaw.
But you know what? Nobody had to dig through the man's blog posts to discover his sensibilities on the matter of superhero sex. They just had to watch Super. Hello, Ellen Page:
What's that? Too little skin? Let's see if we can't find an image where she's still in costume, but minus the shirt.
There we are. Integral to the plot, I'm sure. Oh, but wait - there's more! So you comic book fans remember how Alan Moore, in his superhero-deconstruction classic Watchmen, gave us a guy who couldn't perform unless he put on the costume?
Yeah, well, Super ups the moral ante on that trick, and gives us a girl superhero who tries to convince a boy superhero that if he puts on his mask and bangs her, he won't be cheating on his wife, since, you know, it's the superhero alter-ego who's doing the banging. Nice.
On top of that, she's completely bonkers. Completely. I'm not saying anyone should watch the compilation below, but it should clarify my meaning here. (Warning: very explicit dialogue and violence, along with deeply unpleasant sexuality.)
Yessir, Disney sure can pick 'em. I can hear the executives now: "Aw, he must really love the medium." "He's in on all the jokes, so he'll be able to rise above them." "Anybody else think Ellen Page is kind of hot in that outfit?" "Shut up, Rogers."
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