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Siddown, Zach. Sure, you've got the barely suppressed fury down, but I fear you'd play Ignatius Reilly as too obviously nutty. Will Ferrell, you showed us in Stranger Than Fiction that you can play straight, and in Casa de Mi Padre that you can even play funny straight. But for the star of Confederacy of Dunces, my money is still on Philip Seymour Hoffman, if only for the intellectual self-seriousness that Reilly so famously evinces. Theology and geometry, indeed.

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Plus, I think he's just a mustache away from the statue:

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