Garrett Harris 7 p.m., May 24
Diary of a Diva
“Every single conflict can be boiled down into one underlying problem, and that’s one person in the family not being happy with another person’s choices.”
Ponder the act of stopping to think how lucky we are
“The less you have, the easier it is to get dressed and ready. You only keep things you actually like, or as KonMari says, things that bring you joy.”
“You want every person who works for you in any capacity to be able to make the same kind of intuitive decisions you would make, and you’re absolutely unrelenting when they don’t.”
Even the receptionist at work, who was probably around 40 at the time, took to singing at me each time I passed her desk, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”
Battling sophistication at the hairline
“I think there’s this fear about it,” David said. “I mean, when I decided to shave my head — that took years of building up courage. Which is ridiculous, because it would have grown back in a matter of weeks.”
“Holding a baby skunk is on my bucket list,” I said. Bob shot David an Is she for real? look, and David assured him of my sincerity.
I learned that Frank was the first reporter at the scene of that horrific PSA plane crash in 1978, the one I grew up hearing about. He won a Pulitzer Prize for his reporting. How had I not known that?
Disappointed by a less-than-honorable Marine
“It’s just — who does that? What kind of person smashes up someone’s parked car and then leaves without making any attempt to find out who owns it?”
Gary held out his arm and called, “Habibi!” Gasps traveled like a stadium wave as the falcon, rings affixed to its ankle, swooped low down the aisle and then landed on Gary’s glove.
“Did you know that some vanilla flavoring is made from beaver anal secretions?” The word “secretion” is inherently gross to me. Add in excrement, and you have a recipe for scrunch-face.
“I find it funny that all the solutions popping up to address tech stress are technological ones...here are more apps to help you combat the effect of dealing with too many apps.”
“How do you plan to police this? Is this all honor system?” Bill nodded. “Those are my two favorite words,” I said. Bill smirked at me. “Because to you, ‘honor system’ means the same as ‘sucker system’?”
“Obviously, as kids we didn’t know the story, and if you don’t know the story, you don’t know how extraordinary, how incredible, how...horrible it is.”
I was brushing my teeth and weeping. “Great, now you’re crying,” David said sharply. And that was when it happened. The lava-like angst that had been roiling within me all day finally erupted.
Great eavesdropping and peeping from the new kitchen
“You like to know everything that’s going on,” he said. I was about to balk when he added, “You’re always trying to find patterns in everything, and that gives you a sense of comfort.”