Diary of a Diva

A Hard Place

I have been suffering from what I refer to as Cause Fatigue, brought on by a barrage of missions mowing me down on the street, at the grocery store, or wherever I am via tweets, ...

Boat Beats Camel

"I’m on a boat!” “I was wondering how long it would be before someone said that,” David said with a sideways smile. “Well, the answer is, ‘Before we’re even onboard,’” I said. I couldn’t tell ...

Pomp and Resistance

It had been cold and cloudy when I’d dressed that morning, and the commencement ceremony wasn’t scheduled to begin until 4:30 p.m.; it never occurred to me that I might find myself trapped for over ...

Calm the F Down

Jane’s Evite said the show began at 6. My father, like me, is loath to feel rushed and is absolutely opposed to any and all kinds of tardiness. When I suggested we ride together, he ...

Squirrelik the Red

Dad thought I was kidding when I warned him that I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself if he lured that squirrel any closer. “David says I have a Snow White complex, but he doesn’t ...

A good man has died

"Did you hear about Graham?” I shook my head and smiled because I imagined some hilarious Graham-shenanigan story was forthcoming. My friend’s face was somber as she reported, “He’s in the hospital. He was in ...

Desert DINKs

David held a tight grip on his phone as he snapped photos out the window of our speeding Mini. “How can it be 95 degrees down here when there’s snow on top of that hill?” ...

Such a Bee

"You’re such a bee,” David said. “Why? What did I do?” “No, no, not that kind of bee! The bug kind,” David clarified, as if that made things any clearer. There were lots of ways ...

The Power Seat

Terri shimmied toward the car — shimmied, because there was no way she could get one whole leg in front of another. The only wiggle-room she had was from the shin down, where her long, ...

Menless

My sisters and I stared at the illustrations on the side of the box, and passed the deceptively light metal tank around as we each took our turn trying to make it work. “Careful, it ...

The Satirical Tourist

“I need to pee again,” I said to Arturo, the man behind the steering wheel. “Didn’t you just go?” “It’s not my fault you’re a camel,” I said, defensively. “And anyway, that was over two ...

Big sisters, little sisters

My sister and I clinked glasses filled with chilled wine (hers a straw-colored chardonnay, mine a blushing rosé) and then leaned back in our chairs with stoned smiles. My eyes wandered the expanse of Jane’s ...

Heavy silence

"Why do you think it’s always boys and never girls who go on these mass-shooting rampages?” I asked David, mostly rhetorically, because I already had my answer. “I think I know why; shooters are mostly ...

FaceTube Friend

"You want this?” David held up his buzzing phone so I could see the number displayed on the screen. After weighing the risk of answering an unknown number, I said, “Here, give it to me.” ...

Worth the wait

I doubted the man of the hour (or century, if you consider we were celebrating his 90th birthday) remembered me. I’d met David’s great-uncle, the Hungarian pianist Béla Síki, only once before, nearly a decade ...

What Men Think

David’s phone buzzed on the table. He picked it up and smiled down at the screen. “What’s that?” I asked. “Oh, it’s Kik,” David said. “What? When did you join Kik? I thought you said ...

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