Dorian Hargrove 8 p.m., Dec. 11
You Can’t Buy Love
I thought I could buy love. All I had to do was buy expensive gifts, or at least a lot of little things and someone would love me. I used to think that if I bought enough gifts for someone, that it would make them love me more…or at the very least, love me. Sometimes people do this to try and fill a void in their own lives; they crave love, but don’t think they are good enough to receive it by just being themselves. Buying things for people all the time can also make those very people you are trying to impress, feel very uncomfortable. It isn’t money that matters in a relationship; it’s your heart, who you are as a person.
Many people who are constantly spending money on another person are trying to fill a void in their own lives. Low self-esteem, codependency, and depression are a few of the traits people can have. I felt that there was nothing worthy in me to love and in order to be loved I had to buy it. I didn’t love myself enough to realize that people loved me for me, not for what I bought them. I craved love. It didn’t matter if I spent the last of my money to buy something unnecessary or something needed by that person; if I could buy them something, they would love me right? I wanted to be loved and it didn’t matter how much money I had to spend to get that love.
I also learned that it makes people uncomfortable when you are constantly buying things. Jewelry, flowers, dinners, lunches, drinks, expensive this, expensive, that…I never stopped to ask myself how I would feel in that situation. Would I be uncomfortable? Yes! Would I wonder why the heck someone kept buying me stuff all the time? Yes! Would I think that they were expecting something big in return? Definitely! For me, giving was never about receiving something material in return. I didn’t gifts, all I wanted was love. It did made me feel good to give, but I gave for all the wrong reason and I went a little overboard.
If someone really loves you they’ll love you for you, not for what you can buy them. They’ll love who you are as a person, your heart, your joy, happiness, sadness, being able to life each other up, and whatever other traits you have that make you…you.
Love is not about money or material things or how much you can buy for a person. Money can’t buy love. Love is “earned” through trust and what you give of yourself. I have learned that people will love you the same whether you spend tons of money on them or whether you simply spend time with them, giving what you can from within yourself. There’s nothing wrong with buying gifts for people, just don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Know that it’s you they love, not what comes out of your wallet.