Okay, it’s time for some phone rules to be established, because nobody seems to know how to use them anymore. It’s really odd, if you think about it. With everyone having a cell phone, people should’ve gotten better at it. Yet, the opposite seems to have happened.

I was at Chuck E. Cheese with a child I’m doing the Big Brother thing with. And when we went up to buy some tokens, this woman with “manager” on her name badge, answered a phone right before helping us. Now, I’m not one of those guys that is bothered by that type of thing. But she went on and on, helping someone on the phone. And when she finished, she started running around yelling loudly for someone, with her hands in the air. She had a bit of a New York accent, which made it sound a little more annoying.

It was almost 10 minutes later when I was helped. An eternity for a child that hears other kids playing and laughing, and looks around to see lights flashing and games buzzing.

I heard a woman at another table talking on her cell phone, and yelling into it (cell yell). I can understand that with all the noise, she probably couldn’t hear the person on the other end. Well, how about stepping outside? Or waiting to take the call until later?

I got a phone call while I was there, and I was able to answer and say “Hey…it’s kind of noisy where I’m at. Can I call you back later?”

Now, that being said…I was on my landline Friday. Another call came in and I told that person I’d call them back in 10 minutes.

I finished the phone call five minutes later, and figured I’d jump on the computer before calling him back.

I completely forgot.

He called me back the next day saying “That was a long 10 minutes,” and we both laughed about it.

My mom once gave me crap because I was at her house and told someone on the phone, “I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” and after hanging up, got involved in something else. She said, “How are you going to get there in 15 minutes, when you ended that call 10 minutes ago?”

I wanted to ask her why she was eavesdropping on my phone conversation, but really, I talk so loud, even when I’m not on a cell phone, I can’t blame people for “listening”.

I recently re-connected with an old high school friend. For a few days, we had been talking a lot on the phone. She called me when I was in the middle of writing something. She just started into a conversation. I had no clue what she was even talking about. So, a minute into her story, I said “Who am I speaking with?” She laughed and said, “Good one, Josh.” She continued on with her story. And I was about a second away from just hanging up on her. I asked again, adding “I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I’m very busy. If you don’t tell me who it is I’m speaking with, I’m going to have to let you go.” There was a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, before she told me. I then apologized for being curt. And she said “This isn’t Curt. It’s Josh, isn’t it?”

Okay, that part didn’t happen. But, now when she calls, she starts by saying “Josh Board, it’s Jane Doe.” Sure, it’s a bit of a smartass move. But I prefer that over not recognizing the voice immediately.

With everyone having caller ID now, a lot of weird things happen. People answer phones going right into conversation, where as I prefer the old school way of just answering with a “hello?” Even if you know it’s Joe Blow, what’s the point of answering with a “Hey Joe…where ya goin’ with that gun in your hand? Hahahaha…” Just a simple “hello?” – I’m guessing – is the preferred way most callers would like the phone to be answered.

The same woman that didn’t tell me who it was, had an incident where she called a friend. Their 4-year-old answered the phone and she thought it was her husband. And she immediately went into a conversation with him. After a few different times of doing this, she asked her friend if he could be taught to say his name when answering the phone, or saying the family name. They had a huge fight over it.

I always think it’s cute when I call someone and a little kid says “Anderson residence”. But then, I always hate when I rely on that child to take a message for their father, and the message never seems to make it to them.

As a child, I was taught how to write down messages and where to put them, so my parents got any info from people that called. Although, that was a different time. You actually had to find the number you were dialing, and roll this big circular thing all the way around a phone. Maybe that’s why when people called a wrong number, they always insisted they didn’t. Because, when you put your finger in the number 9, and roll it all the way around…you’re less likely to press one wrong, tiny button on your cell phone. Although now, if you have a friend you’re calling, you already have their number in your cell phone. That makes dialing wrong numbers impossible.

On Sunday morning, I woke up just in time for the early morning football games. Someone had left a message at 8 a.m. And with a southern accent, went on and on about “someone from your phone number called me, at 5 p.m. last Wednesday. I’m not sure who it was, or what it was about.” And they went on for a few minutes.

I didn’t recognize the person and didn’t call them back.

But really, if someone doesn’t leave a message, why are you calling them back JUST because you can see where the number came from?

Everyone always complains about telemarketers. Well, what if you called back and they said “Oh yes, we did call you. We’re selling these great timeshares in Fairbanks, Alaska.”