I got behind on the newspapers, and was reading one from a few days ago. The Dear Abby letter was basically:

My middle-aged neighbor brought over a bushel of apples from his tree. He told me he didn't want them to go to waste, and he wasn't going to do anything with them. I told him I didn't want them, but he left them with me anyway.

Reluctantly, I spent my days off peeling, coring, and cooking them into apple crisps, pies, and jam. I gave away all of the items to friends and family, and saved one pie to give him. When I took it over he said "is that it? What did you do with all the rest?" He got upst and said I should've given him more because they were his apples.

I am furious, and didn't want, ask, or need those apples in the first place. I worked hard preparing them, and that's the last thing I expected.

Dear Abby answers with the lame:

Once your neighbor gave you the bushel of apples, they were yours to do with as you chose. While it would have been generous of you to have given him a sample of each of the items you created with them, you were under no obligation to do so. To hold a grudge against this presumptuous man is a waste of time, so let it go. Something tells me he won't burden you with his apples anytime soon.

Now, here's the problem I have with Abby and the letter writer. First, I think the letter writer is fibbing a bit. What person, if a neighbor comes over and offers you something from their fruit tree, replies with "I told him I didn't want them, but he left them anyway."

Really? If a neighbor comes over you say "No! Get those apples out of here! I don't want them. I'm allergic." What??? You might nicely say "Oh, that's kind of you, but I really have no use for that many apples." And, if he insists, then you keep them.

The next thing I'd say is "What possessed you to make all of these items, that you complain is so much work? You could've done nothing with the apples. Maybe made one pie for yourself. Anything, but slaving over a stove, doing something you didn't want to do, with items you say you didn't want in the first place.

It makes me think the letter is all BS.

Then, she gives the neighbor a pie. And she says he balked at that. Well, you could then take the pie back. And, why even mention to the neighbor that you gave any of the items to anyone else. Why not let him think you made a pie, especially for him, on his kind gesture of bringing fruit over.

I don't give people gifts, and then say "Yeah, well...I also gave this same shirt to so-and-so. Oh, and I gave a really cool new ipod to Steve."

Let each person that receives a gift, think that you thought just about them. I mean, do you tell someone that the gift they love, was actually something you re-gifted?

Since it was Halloween, it reminded me of my mom. Last year she was giving out candy bars. She always does that, and then complains none were left over for her to eat. So, she was giving out one to each kid (against my stepdads wishes, who thought they should get more). One child said sarcastically "Are you sure you could spare it?"

I think she should've reached in his bag and said "Yeah, you're right. I really can't." Then slammed the door in his face. Sure, her house might've been egged later, but it would've been worth it to see the little tykes face at that moment.

This year, my mom told me they were giving out two candy bars. I just talked to her on the phone, and she said my stepdad gave out 4 to the kids when he opened the door.

But I digest (I just ate 7 of the Snickers she had left over...ah, the joys of going to your parents house the day after Halloween).

My uncle once wrote a column in Duluth, Minnesota. It was hysterical, although I read it when I was 13, and can't remember the details. But, it was all about how annoyed you get at co-workers that try to pawn off the fruits and vegetables they grown in their yards.

He talked about how they should leave it in bags on your doorstep, the way people did with unwanted babies.

This lady and her apple neighbor, got me thinking, why people like Dear Abby never suggest going over to the neighbor and saying, "The other day when you commented on me giving you merely an apple pie, I was left speechless. But now that I've had a few days to think it over, I have to ask you something. Why did you give me apples, even after I said I had no use for them? Then, when I bring you a pie, all you do is bitch and moan. Do you realize how rude that is?"

Of course, someone that is so dense as to feel the need to call a Dr. Laura or write Dear Abby, will need to be given follow ups, for depending how the neighbor responds.

If he slams the door in your face, you go home. Maybe you leave some pie crusts on his doorstep periodically with a note saying "Mmmm...another pie I devoured! Thanks, loser."

If the neighbor apologizes, you accept the apology.

If the neighbor says "I gave you 100 apples, you should've given me 3 pies." You can then respond with "I didn't know we were bargaining. If that was the case, you should've said that upfront. But, if it makes you feel better, I'll go buy you some apples, to replace the ones you gave me."

He'll respond with, "What in the world would I need apples for? I have 'em growing in my backyard."

The response can then be, "Okay...well, I'll tell ya what. I'll go buy a bunch of pie tins. And every time you get too many growing, you can peel the apples, and slave over the stove, and make a few pies for me, and the rest of the neighborhood."

The door would probably slam in the face at that point, but then you'll at least walk away more satisified then when you had to sit down and type Dear Abby a letter.