Liz Swain 4:24 p.m., May 24
Never mind the Jay Gatsby, here comes the Jay-Z
Why is Jay-Z doing the soundtrack for The Great Gatsby when he should be starring?
I mean, seriously, look at the man.
If that's not the Gatsby of today, at least in terms of sartorial opulence, then I don't know who is.
Oh, and it gets better. Gatsby's garrulous friend Nick the narrator? "Old Sport" himself? How about Mr. Spotlight, Kanye West?
Casting Daisy is the biggest no-brainer of them all: the seemingly unattainable, impossibly beloved Beyonce.
Oooh, ooh, and here's an old underworld connection from Gatsby's past to haunt our hero, a fellow who knew him back in the drug-dealing days, a fellow with stories to tell. He's our Meyer Wolfsheim.
But wait! There's even an old flame of Beyonce's to play Tom!
But who, who, you ask, will play the unblinking eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleburg, gazing down from above on the tragic tableau unfolding before us? Why, none other than the Godfather of Rap himself, Gil Scott-Heron.
Baz, old man, it's not too late. Call me. We can do this.