Don Bauder 1:30 p.m., April 24
- Community Blog
What Is This, a Disney Movie?
Not to elude to a previous post but it all seems to happen while out having a cigarette. It's almost as if the smoke attracts strange events.
I'm standing outside of my apartment taking in the fresh air and carcinogens when I catch something out of the corner of my eye but up in the air. I look up to the power line pole and see a squirrel hot-footing it along the power line- which I find I'm very envious of but that's a different blog. Then I realize that it's rather late in the night for squirrels to be out, isn't it? I mean, what happened that caused this squirrel to be out at this time of night? Lost his way? Pregnant squirrel-wife run through the acorns too fast and making a late-night run?
While I'm pondering this a bird lands on the bench about 15 feet from where I'm standing. Now I'm starting to question reality because again, what is a bird doing out this late? Yes, I know they do exist even in the night time but they tend to call it a day around sunset, don't they? And yet through all of this- the bird and the squirrel making a night-time appearance- I start to feel a little sense of joy. It's almost as if something important is going down in South Park at this very moment and I'm part of it. That is until a minute later when joy is very quickly replaced with panic.
Something moved in the street. At first I thought it was the shadow of the leaves from the street light but when I focused in, it was nothing of the sort. Headed my way and only 20 or so feet from me was a skunk. And this is where nature reared it's Mr. Hyde side because one second I had a hippie attack and was thinking about how fantastic nature really is but the next second I'm thinking maybe there is such a thing as too much nature.
With a quick expletive and 180 degree turn I headed back inside the building door, peeking out to see which way Pepe Le Pew went. I still had a burning ember in my hand and wanted to finish it. After a few seconds of pausing under a truck the skunk headed out and away from where I was. I looked back and saw both the bird and squirrel also high-tailed it out of there. I guess they saw the skunk, too.
I put my cigarette out- and threw the butt in the trash, thank you- and went inside. As I was heading up the steps in the hallway, I started to realize that I could have been a target and the bird and squirrel were in cahoots with the skunk as distractions. Hell, I better check for my wallet in case the skunk was the actual distraction and the bird and squirrel picked my pocket.
I love South Park. It's a fantastic place to live. However, not only are the drunk humans annoying sometimes but the various animals roaming the neighborhood have me a bit worried, too. So if you're in my 'hood, lock your car doors. You never know if a bear might hot-wire your car and take it for a joy ride.