Mary had a little lamb a la Tchaikovsky
Garrett Harris 10:11 p.m., May 23
The Abnormal Width of Normal Heights
Entries
Love Song of the Late Blooming Fools
Once I had a clue/ About this life & you/ I thought eventually/ That there would surely be/ A fairy ...
Discount Doublespeak, er, Double-Check & 50% More Crap, er, Cash!
There are two commercial advertising campaigns currently as hot as any others on what were formerly the free American television ...
pennies, people, nickels, humans, change
seasons colors clothing hair habits choices appearances realities weeks years loves likes scenery faces time places everything anything we they ...
The Currency of Current Seas
What is money? My car. And sex. And? Feelings of discomfort and anguish. Is that all? Bottlecaps. And maybe thumb-tacks. ...
The K is Silent
you are a simple, elegant sentence: “she is quiet, smart and patient.” verbs may evade you, but adjectives do not: ...
I Am Not A Farmer
tomatoes are not vine for me, they wither like commie raisins in revolt; my thumb is not green, it is ...
I Should Try to Like Beer
I’m on my back in the middle of the street. I can smell the shit on the asphalt. My palm ...
Another Song w/o Music
(LYRICIST'S/AUTHOR'S NOTE: Forgive the silence, if anyone is out there, I don't know where I've been. Lost in the summer ...
The Ballad of BeFree (but not really a ballad)
(Lyricist's note: these lyrics accompany the story "A Typo of a Peculiar Type." Also, I can neither sing nor play ...
All My Heads Come Back To Me (short fiction)
They say I should do the interview with the television lady. That it will help humanize the job, and thus ...
A Typo of a Peculiar Type (part 3, conclusion)
I stared at those bottles of vodka and tequila and bourbon for what could’ve been ten minutes. The tequila was ...
A Typo of a Peculiar Type (part 2)
To my dismay, I was only able to cruise I-5 in re-energized contentment for several minutes, before what had been ...
A Typo of a Peculiar Type (part 1)
Instead of typing “Ashland” into the search engine box (Ashland as in Oregon), I had mistakenly entered “Assland.” This may ...
Renting Annie (a short story)
My husband, Scott, is a financial genius. Not because he’s made us millions, but merely because he’s made us a ...
Homeless Alien Kept a Diary (a short story)
(Editor’s Note: all surviving pages from this diary were found by nine year-old Jiffy Krondinkle of Prairie Doom, Oklahoma, and ...
A Kingdom No Longer Magic (a short story)
I was censoring boobs for The Mouse. Seems like something they would’ve had to hire someone for back in the ...
Brassturbation: Tooting one's own horn
Got my OccupySF piece in the SF/Bay Guardian. Always nice to get a byline. And here's a photo link. Forgive ...
When Occupy SF Occupied My Car
I began the week a brooding and self-pitying writer, who was spending far too much time sucking on sour grapes ...
Government Salami (a short story)
Mrs. Marti Brewer-Bodner, Deputy Undersecretary, U.S. Dept. of Education I have already cried, three hours worth alone here in my ...
$0 to $10,000 Faster Than Jesus
(NOTE: Since the writing of this piece, the government has amended their indictment, accusing FullTilt, many of whose players still ...
