California is second in the nation for joblessness with an unemployment rate of 12 percent. More than a third of those unemployed have been seeking gainful employment for more than a year unsuccessfully. But, alas, the downtrodden needn’t resort to sign twirling or median panhandling just yet. There is a host of income producing opportunities just waiting for the ranks of former professionals to explore.

Firstly, almost any physical, emotional or psychic affliction is being studied. Qualifying participants having previously been diagnosed with ailments ranging from bladder infections to schizoaffective disorders are eligible to participate in research sessions paying up to $75 per visit. GW Research is looking for people to include in a inflammatory bowel study. Volunteers between the ages of 18 to 75 years who suffer from chronic hyper tension are eligible to participate in a High Blood Pressure trial paying up to $1,050. There are also paying studies seeking folks between 18-55 years old who experience depression and sexual dsysfunction.

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And of course, the eggs of fertile females who have no moral or ethical issues parting with their potential prodigies are always in high demand. Entities like Growing Generations pay first time donors up to $8,000. Veteran (fertility verified through pregnancies) donors can earn up to $10,000. Given the number of cycles women have in a year, that’s a sweet income for those not yet 35. Male sperm donors by comparison only earn $100 per deposit with a monthly limit of ten deposits.

It should be noted that some egg donor organizations are more selective than others. Gifted Journeys, for instance, specifically solicits eggs from kind-hearted, educated, and beautiful young women. The rest need not apply.

Surrogacy is another avenue for the female unemployed workforce who can get around the creepy connotations implanted by futuristic The Handmaid’s Tale, (a movie based on Margaret Atwood’s book about sexual slavery). The Surrogacy Source reimburses women between 20-38years of age up to $24,000 for first timers and up to $40,000 for proven carriers.

For those past the child bearing years, Biomat USA and OctaPharma Plasma pay for plasma, up to $250 a month!

If you’d rather make your buck upright versus inclined, Blow by Blow is looking for a few good adult sex education instructors between the ages of 20-36 years to facilitate up to five sex toy parties a month. Each party yields a whopping $75 paycheck.

Looking for something a bit less physical? The National Market Research firm is seeking people to sit through 1-2 hour discussions about their last tax preparation experience. They pay participants between $75-125.

Some companies welcome those with absolutely no experience which will come in handy for the overqualified. The Infinity Dance Sport Center provides training to its new hires to teach ballroom dance styles including the waltz, salsa, cha-cha, quickstep, and tango. And, the Gemological Institute of America trains new hires to fulfill numerous positions nationwide.

Other jobs require no experience and provide no training, perfect for those willing to make a career shift and start out on the bottom rung. There are even telecommuting positions that can be performed from the comfort of one's own home, a good option for those living off the bus route whose vehicles have been impounded. Check out Best Online Modeling. They are looking for guys and gals with fab physiques to serve as webcam models for a variety of publications. Models with tight tums and bums can earn up to $2,500 a week without ever leaving their boudoirs.

Of course, if you don’t fit the bill for any of the above, you can always follow the old adage that if you can’t get a job, go back to school. That’s if you haven't already depleted your savings or are able to secure a loan. Then enrolling in a six week phlebotomy training program may be just the thing for you.

One person's trash is another person's treasure, as they say, and not surprisingly the longer we remain unemployed the more those jobs that we previously wouldn't have glanced at are seeming to be viable possibilities. Weird as some of them may seem, they may just prove to be the saving grace for many a jobless mid-level executive, particularly those over fifty that have entered No Man's Land. When the alternative is enduring a group interview on a sidewalk bench at an outlet mall along with three other over qualified individuals grappling for the $9/hr part time job, donating plasma and completing surveys doesn't seem half bad.

Comments

nan shartel Sept. 5, 2011 @ 12:42 p.m.

how awful!!

my sis use to go into those research studies occasionally to get money to buy cigarettes

crazy people do things like that

she usually ended up with a 6 mo. hospital stay as a result of it

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Ruth Newell Sept. 6, 2011 @ 9:02 p.m.

Rough times for many, to be sure. Mostly, though, this was written tongue and cheek.

I have a friend back in MD with a sister similar to how yours sounds. I think my family though would say that I'm that sister. lol

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nan shartel Sept. 6, 2011 @ 9:20 p.m.

i knew this was mostly tongue and cheek and would have written more but the captcha hampered me

are there any jobs available to "make captcha more and more difficult" for all using it

i do think it's fabulous that my radical uterus is still in business for "surrogacy" purposes

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Ruth Newell Oct. 3, 2011 @ 8:46 a.m.

Always nice to have a fallback, Nan! hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (OH, Blessed Be!)

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