Walter Mencken 9 a.m., May 23
- Community Blog
- Daily Crasher
Don't Box Me In -- Kids and Animals Do the Darndest Things
I hate when I come up with an idea for a blog, and then I get completely thrown for a loop by something else.
I saw a few animal stories in the paper that were just perfect to combine into one neat, simple little blog.
Then, along comes the crazy mother in Alabama who was charged with endangering the welfare of a child.
Now, what do you think she let her 13-year-old do?
Was it drink a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon? Maybe it was have sex with her teacher, to help improve her grade.
Nope. Something you wouldn't guess if I gave you 100 guesses.
She let the girl ride in a cardboard box on top of their van.
Now, I immediately thought about how as a kid, I would think nothing could be more fun. I remember seeing people towing trailers with jet skis behind them, and wondering what it would be like to sit on those as the vehicle was driving 65 down the I-5. But in a box? Isn't there a cartoon character that imagines that?
Well, the 37-year-old, mom-of-the-year, didn't do it for fun. She said the box was too big to fit in the van, and the daughter was inside to hold it down.
And how was the box secured on the van? With clothes hangers, of course.
The only thing that would've made the story better would've been had they not cleared a bridge.
But to the animal stories, which deal with equally stupid people.
A woman in her mid-70s was hospitalized after being attacked by raccoons. I immediately thought the lady must've just given a bad description of the burglars that attacked her. I mean, don't they usually wear masks that make them look like raccoons?
She tried to shoo them away from her Florida home. And the raccoons were having none of it. They bum-rushed her, and she spent a few days in the hospital.
I'm guessing when she got home, they were in her kitchen eating porridge.
But there's a woman in Pennsylvania who only made it to 37, which is actually surprising, considering how stupid she was.
She had a pet that attacked her.
Wanna play the guessing game again?
Was it a cat? A boa constrictor? Nope. Everyones favorite pet: a black bear.
She had "Teddy" for nine years, raising it from a cub. She also cared for a mountain lion and tiger.
Unlike most Teddy Bears, that get to sleep on one of the 10 pillows in a womans bed, this one had a 15 x 15 foot steel and concrete cage.
She would shovel dog food to one side, distracting the bear while she cleaned the other side of the cage.
The 350-pound bear attacked her, as her two young children watched her die.
The bear was on top of the woman when people showed up with guns.
Authorities are saying she had a permit (that expired a year ago) to keep exotic animals, but that usually means you have a two-section cage, which isolates the animal behind one section when you're cleaning the other part.
And we all thought Michael Jackson was crazy for having a pet chimp.