I forgot. I had mentioned awhile back, that I'd occasionally take some letters from Dear Abby and reprint them here, to discuss how idiotic they were.

So, two from today. A "Mary in Columbus, Ohio" asks: To my grown children's dismay, I am in love with a man who is in prison for murder. He still has a lot of time left to serve, and I'm older than he is. I send him money -- my money -- and write him almost daily. My son thinks I'm "wasting my time," but I am happy. Any opinion?

Abby responds: If you are happy, then far be it from me to rain on your parade. However, I must caution you. Inmates have been known to write to multiple "pen pals," involving them in romances and milking them for money. If you wish to continue with this arrangement, please do it with your eyes wide open.

Now, here is how I would've answered it:

Mary, are you an idiot? Is there really nothing better to do in Ohio? You've got tire factories. The Rock Hall of Fame. Or better yet, charities that you can donate your time, AND MONEY, too! And you say you love him. Are you that pathetic a woman that you can't find someone on the outside to fall in love with? Not even on some chat room somewhere?

How would you feel if someone murdered your son? And then, some woman sent that guy money? Money that he can use for cigarettes, and other luxury items. Why not send some money to Charles Manson and O.J. Simpson while you're at it. Maybe OJ will tell you he loves you. Maybe he'll tell you he's going to use it to "look for the real killers." In fact, now that he's in prison, he should tell people he wanted to be found guilty, because in prison, it improves his odds of finding the real killers!

The next letter, comes from "Torn in Ilinois". It says: Our first child is nearly a year old, and I am planning his first birthday party. My in-laws and my parents do not get along, and my inlaws have threatened not to come if my parents are present. My husband and I have made it clear that we do not agree with this. We feel they should be able to put aside their differences for one day for the sake of their grandchild. Should we bend to their stubbornness and have two separate birthday parties...one for each side of the family?

Abby responded: Absolutely not. Make sure your husband's parents know the time and place of the celebration and that they are welcome. If they choose not to attend, then so be it.

I don't have problems with Abby's answer. But, she needs to get that Judge Judy in her, and snap a little more at these idiots. How about saying: Who has two separate parties for their kid? (well, Tommy Lee did when a kid drowned at his house; that's what divorce can do to childs parties).

And, do you remember the lavish bash your parents threw for you when you turned one? Oh, you don't. Well, why is it now, everyone has these big parties for the child turning one? How about just a small party for the immediate family. Just as we were all bored in the 70s looking at slide shows from friends vacations, we are now bored going to one and two-year-old kids parties. Wait until they're old enough to invite THEIR friends, and play kid games, etc.

Also, be prepared. Your parents and in-laws, are never going to get along. Get over that. It means someone won't show up at Thanksgiving dinner, or to sit around your Christmas tree. Your child will still get to see his grandparents when you make visits over to their place.