Matthew Craig Burke 1 p.m., April 30
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Jake and the Fat Man's Execution
I always thought it was funny to have a show called "Jake and the Fat Man." Imagine the actor getting the script sent to him. He likes it. He calls the studio up and says "This is a well-written show. I'm just not sure which character I'd be playing." After a few seconds of silence, the studio head says "You weight 335, take a wild case."
I have a liberal friend that doesn't read my blogs. She said once in a while she does, and that I sound too much like a Republican. But, she'll often email me story ideas for the blogs. And, they're usually interesting stories. But, I don't want to just have a news item that I'm giving my two cents on. And which Fred ends up debating me on.
But the news story she send me three days ago, was great. And, I just saw a show on cable discussing it. So I figured it would be a perfect time to bring it up.
I had saved the story in a file, in an effort to make Fred, trestles, and others who have complained I don't get my facts straight. But now I can't find it, since I'm having a ton of computer problems.
Anyway, I believe it's in Ohio. I guy is scheduled to be executed, but he claims that because of his weight, the lethal injection won't work properly. They say it will cause pain, and not be humane.
Here's where my liberal friend would log out. Who the hell cares? If a guy is on death row, and it's going to be painful, I'm all for that.
No, I don't think we should torture the killers. But, if the electric chair (which, that state stopped using after one of his appeals, which is why they aren't using it)...we find out it actually stinks for the first two seconds that your butt is frying, well, excuse me if I don't shed any tears for some killer, rapist, or ?
I saw a movie a few years ago, based on a real life baker. He became a hangman during the war. He answered an ad, and ended up being really good at it. The idea being, get it done quickly, without them struggling on the noose for long. He was getting it down to seven seconds.
He didn't tell his wife about his job. Or any of his friends. And, it didn't really bother him. He'd go to the pub and have drinks, singing at the piano with his friend.
He did have to execute someone he was friends with, that killed their wife in a jealous rage. That bothered him for about two minutes.
It was a morbid, but interesting, film. I remember Richard Roeper laughing as he said you won't ever see a film with more hangings. And, in one montage, they show about 20 in a row.
If I was this guy on death row, instead of him pulling all of this...which clearly won't work. And it's clearing just upset the family of the victims (I believe he raped and murdered two young women, but I don't remember...and in sticking with my tradition on these blogs, I'm not going to find out)....anyway, he should instead just request a weird last meal.
Jenny Craig and Slim Fast meals. It would be like, he's trying to make an effort to watch his weight, on the last day of his life. I just think that would be funny.
And those last meals they get. That's a weird tradition. The criminals always do something like say they want a steak, mashed potatoes, beer, Taco Bell burrito supreme, and a hot fudge sundae. And...I wonder when a request like that is made...is Taco Bell happy or pissed, by the press. I mean, obviously they won't use it in the next ad campaign -- "Chosen by more death row inmates than any other taco establishment."
(and, I'll save you the trouble; you don't need to post about why they clean your arm before they inject the needle...I think Mathew Alice answered it once).