Matthew Suárez 11 a.m., Nov. 28
- Community Blog
- Daily Crasher
Valentine's Day Coming Up (the perfect VD story)
I met someone at a coffee shop for lunch, and grabbed an Espresso. Not the drink, but the large paper you see at local coffee shops.
They have some of those interesting stories I enjoy reading. One about a death row inmate in (where else?) Texas, that donated his body to an artist. That artist will be making fish food out of it. I am always fascinated by death row inmates last meals. I wonder what kind of meal he's going to make for the fishies. My favorite part was that it said after the first part of the story "continued page 9, column 3." As if saying "page 9" wasn't enough. Some readers might get there, not find it after two seconds, and just be done reading it.
Comedian Jim Gaffigan jokes that he hates reading so much, when a story says "Continued on page 9," he'll say "Not for me it isn't."
The slightly more interesting story involved a woman in Iowa that won $1.5 million suing her dentist. Well, her dentist who became her lover. Which makes me wonder...doctors and dentists can't go out in their white coats to pick up chicks. But if you have attractive female patients, having a job like that must make things a lot easier. But once you start seeing them, do they get their teeth cleaned and root canals for free? I digress.
This dentist gave her a few different VDs during their 18 month relationship. Now, I'm all for her getting a million bucks, but was surprised that the story said there was no proof the dentist knew he had HPV (although on their date, he did ask her about various diseases, and on the second date even volunteered the information of "I'm free from any type of sexually transmitted diseases.") Always a smooth line for a second date. I'm sure talk about VD over a nice Chardonnay gets the women in the mood.
One paragraph said that he also gave her "bacterial vaginitis." Which would be a good name for a heavy metal band.
As I'm reading this story, I'm wondering why they don't sprinkle jokes in here. Maybe a line about the dentist not giving her these dieseases "orally."
I also want stories like this to give follow up details. Did he lose his practice? I mean, how many patients want a guy loaded with diseases, messing around with their mouth? Even if they wear gloves and a mask.
I'm getting my teeth cleaned in the morning. And, you know how it's always weird when they make conversation with you? They feel like they should remember you, even though it was 6 months since your last visit. And the conversation never flows well (hard for anything to flow, while saliva is flowing down that tube they have stuck in your mouth). Maybe I'll run this story by him and see what he thinks.