John Donne 9 p.m., May 27
Trailer Park: Rocky Stallone vs. Jake DeNiro in Grudge Match
It's "bash DeNiro Friday" at
This is not the celluloid Visine needed to cleanse my eyes of the retinae-burning The Family.
This is a joke, right, Bobby D? You can't be doing it for the green. Stallone is happy to devour any piece of meat that's tossed in his cage, but you, Bobby D? Known for his ability to spew profanities with the best of them, of late, the dirtiest word in DeNiro's vocabulary appears to be integrity.
The conceptual genius behind pitting Oscar-winning Rocky Balboa against Oscar-winning Jake LaMotta had the makings of box office gold...in 1982. Sly is 67 years old and De Niro just turned 70. Instead of using towels as locker room lancers, these scrapping alter cockers will be snapping each others butts with moist Depends.
I'm banking on the biggest laffs spewing from a ruptured, pathos-laden father and son relationship.
REVERSE PERISTOLSIS WARNING! DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING ON A FULL STOMACH:
Grudge Match, opening on Christmas Day, was directed by Peter Segal (Tommy Boy, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, and the other Longest Yard).