Ed Bedford 11:44 p.m., June 19
Pictured: Meg Ryan as she appeared in 1989, how she appears today, and how she would appear today without the benefit of cosmetic surgery.
SAN DIEGO, WHICH IS NOT ALL THAT FAR FROM HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW — Hundreds of respected scholars from around the world are in San Diego this week to sift through the latest discoveries about ancient actresses.
The University of San Diego hosted the “cosmetic preservation” meetings for the annual Pacific Division of the American Association for the Attenuation of Actresses (AAAA) convention.
Alana Cordy-Collins, Ph.D., is a celebrity anthropologist at USD. She believes new technology like computer-assisted face reconstruction improves forensic investigation of the past and present.
"Ancient, preserved actresses like Meg Ryan are important to modern humans because they give us a window on the past that we can’t peek through any other way,” said Cordy-Collins.
The scientific discussions also involved how to capitalize on medical advances to better preserve B-list actresses for direct-to-DVD erotic thrillers and their implications for modern men.
“They can give us incredible insight into human moviegoing habits in the past and the state of lip-inflation technology. And we can learn a lot about ancient breast enhancement - and by extension, contemporary nip-and-tuckery,” Cordy-Collins said.
A “modern day mummy” who used to command over $5 million a picture is currently on display at an unnamed La Jolla bed & breakfast.