Ian Anderson 2 p.m., Oct. 22
- Community Blog
South Park Cat Tales: The Nip Trip Re-Posted (#8)
February 24, 2010 A.D.C.
First I would like to make a meow-out to all the felines suddenly posting here. It's nice to see the feline-dom represented well. Mica, Mongoose, I only have one question: what took you so long? Maybe one day we should all get together and have a party when the Uprighters aren't around.
Second, Two Legs informed me this morning that he had run out of the treats I get every morning so instead, this evening he rewarded me with perhaps the best treat ever, cat nip. I swear, I'm pretty sure you Uprighters have absolutely no clue how good that stuff is. But it reminded me of a post I made several years back on a different site so I thought I would simply re-post that one here, as it explains everything very well. In this post you'll hear mention of my dear brother who passed about a year and a half ago, Alo (pronounced "ah-low"). Yes, I miss him terribly still. But this is no time for sad reminiscing. It is time for my story, re-posted, of the nip trip. Enjoy.
(Poster's Note: This was posted one a website called WritersCafe several years back, where Stella was a fan favorite)
August 14th, 2007 A.D.C.
I want to talk about a treat that Alo and I get every once in a while. It’s not like the daily treats we get in the morning just for being cute. What I’m talking about happens very randomly. And a lot less frequent than I would prefer. However, I don’t know what the trigger is to be able to get my favorite treat. I mean, I’ve been cute, like facing the other way and sticking my butt up in the air. What more is Two Legs looking for? But at least we get it. And when we do, man, that hour is off the hook.
When I first got here, Alo didn’t like me. He would turn his back on me when I wanted to lie near him or trap me in the litter box and not let me come out. You know, stuff like that. So I had to learn a lot of things on my own. However, there was one thing that Alo told me about, and also how I need to keep in mind who is older and bigger. One look at that belly, though, and I didn’t need to keep it in mind. Hell, it was always in sight. The one thing that Alo would have no qualms about knocking me down and out for is catnip.
I don’t know what catnip is, nor do I really care. I just know I like it. A lot. I don’t really know what color it is and again, I don’t care. I still like it a lot. What I do know about it is that it smells like a human orgasm looks: funny and fantastic. One roll and rub of that catnip and the world becomes alive. Things are moving all over the place and my heart beats wildly and sometimes I can’t keep the saliva in my mouth and I drool and I start to breathe really fast and all I want to do is run, just run everywhere and run forever, so I do that, I just run all over the place, in and out of rooms and through doors and under the couch and oh my god there’s Alo and then I’m on the couch and then “Hey Two Legs!” I shout and he starts laughing at me and I’m thinking, that guy needs a dentist, so I turn and run but all I do is slide because of these damn hardwood floors and my paws are getting woodburn and when I finally get a good grip I don’t feel like running anymore so I trot over to the thing with the rope and carpet that I stretch and claw on and lay down to catch my breath then eventually calm down into a nice, dreamless, deep sleep. I call it the ‘Nip Nap. Alo thinks that’s a stupid name but this is coming from the one that has to be taken to a pet boutique to get the knots brushed out. Silly long-hair.
(Poster’s Note: I do brush my cat. He just gets them in places where he refuses to let me brush without drawing a little blood first)
There is a downside to catnip, though. After a ‘Nip Nap, I wake up a bit groggy and stiff. It takes a while to get some energy, too. I could go for another ‘Nip Trip at that point but I’m kinda glad Two Legs spaces it out. I don’t want to build up a tolerance.
The strange thing about catnip is that it looks like Two Legs puts it on his own dinner a lot. When I’m watching him prepare things that both smell good and make me jealous, he sprinkles this stuff on it that looks like catnip. I think Two Legs calls it organo or oreggo. Whatever it is, he must trip a lot.
So until next time, I leave you with this: Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. We have never forgotten that.