Padres General Manager dismisses criticisms of team’s lackluster performance

“Look, we already have a new stadium.”

Postgame Preller: “If you give a dog a bone, he’s not gonna want to go fetch now, is he? Go yell at the Chargers. We’re perfectly happy the way things are, and in the end, ...

Padres’ opening day starter takes a drubbing on the field and online

Instagr-OUCH!

A screenshot from the Instagram account of Padres starting pitcher Tyson Ross, who was chased in the sixth inning after the Dodgers scored five runs on five consecutive hits. Even teammate Matt Kemp chimed in ...

Special advertising section

Whether it’s that horrid barbarian Donald Trump, that dreadful socialist Bernie Sanders, that trollish zealot Ted Cruz, or that pantsed harpy Hillary Clinton, you won’t want to face the next four years without a good, ...

SeaWorld reveals new logo after dead whale found on Torrey Pines beach

Whale fail

“Every great civilization has been built on the backs of the exploited,” began SeaWorld spokesman Robert Orcant at the press conference revealing the theme park’s new logo, which depicts the dead juvenile gray whale that ...

Republican rabble-rouser ruins Romney’s return

Titanic Trump trounces La Jolla lightweight in first-ever use of party’s pugilistic political process

MOURNING FOR THE FUTURE OF HIS PARTY AND HIS COUNTRY, 30 FEET BELOW GROUND — “Looking back,” says Mitt Romney from within the security of the concrete bunker underneath his palatial La Jolla home, “it’s ...

Trump promises solution to “Green Tide”

Arresting avian arrivals

Donald Trump took a break from his campaign today to address an issue close to his heart: immigration. Specifically, the immigration of Mexican parrot populations to San Diego and other California cities. Speaking before a ...

Locavores put spotlight on recent trend of game bird delicacies in San Diego restaurants

Fresh foul

Pemberton Throckmorton III, food critic for the hipster bible, San Diego Farthuffer Monthly, is just wild about OB Warehouse chef Brian Kelly's latest creation, the generically named — and totally local —Greens ’n Bird. "San ...

Parrots make it so you cannot hear the Faulconer at mayoral press conference on conure killings

Squawk beats talk

Transcription of statement from Mayor Faulconer regarding the recent spate of parrocides: “The City of San Diego has long prided itself on SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAAAAAWWK, and a major component of that SQUAWK has been the ...

Rash of local wild parrot killings continues in Ocean Beach/Point Loma

Polly want a pellet?

STARING INTO THE SKY CRYING “WHY” AND THEN GETTING SHAT ON, POINT LOMA — The remorseless killer of the wild ring-faced conures that have graced the early daylight hours of Ocean Beach, Point Loma and ...

The Trump-et sounds

The Donald responds to local lawsuit as only he can

Recently, Federal Judge Gonzalo Curiel ruled that a San Diego-based class-action lawsuit against Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump’s real-estate educational program, Trump University, could move forward, raising the possibility of a presidential candidate being forced ...

Corporate craft culture

Big Coffee, Big Juice, and maybe even Big Water follow Big Beer’s invasion of San Diego’s craft scene

When MillerCoors bought Saint Archer Brewing for $35 million, fans of San Diego’s craft beer community grumbled, but consoled themselves with the thought that Saint Archer was always about the money, anyway. But when Constellation ...

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