San Diego Reader

It may be hard to believe, but I'm a very private person. I rarely make eye contact with people I don't know. They say I'm shy and reserved. I may have been born to write--that's what editors keep telling me anyway--but I was definitely not made for networking. Last night, I got up to read a scene from my novel, "Glamour Ghost," at an open mic reading with a sense of being tortured.

The people at the Cafe Des Artistes in Fallbrook were nice enough, but they seemed to have known each other for years. I very much felt like the odd man out, just as I did when I was a kid in school.

I recalled that particular time because I felt tortured then too. Instead of just reading my oral reports, I'd dress up like a character and act it out, even though I felt like an ass.

One day, my mother came home from picking up my sister at a friend's house. She said, "Do you know Carolyn's brother, David."

"Yes, he's in my class," I said.

"Well, when I asked him if he knew you, he said 'You are Mindy Ross' mom? Her reports are fantastic!"'

Until then, no one had said anything about them. I guess you never really know what the audience is thinking unless they express their opinions in words.

So I try to get encouragement from that experience and not assume my reading sucked just because my heart was beating wildly and I was flustered. And no matter what happens, I have to keep going because networking and exposure are a part of the writing life even though I hate it.

Next month, T. Jefferson Parker and Anne Padgett will be on hand to discuss writing. Then there'll be an open mic afterward. Reading in front of someone who knows what they're doing will be the biggest challenge of all. I just hope I can get through it without having a seizure.