Jeff Smith 2 p.m., Dec. 18
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- Daily Crasher
The Girl You Want
Devo has been in town a lot recently, so the song "Girl U Want" was stuck in my head.
And, since I was going to blog about my girlfriend, I thought I'd go with that title. Since she's the one I want.
What made me decide to share a few of our recent arguments, was reading a column of Barbs. Her husband David is this great guy. Which is awesome. And, I wonder if they ever argue. To me, a couple has to argue about SOMETHING.
I've dated women I never argued with. And, it was boring. They'd always just agree with anything I said. Not that that is too hard to believe. After all, I'm always right. But, you can't possibly date (or be married) to someone you never argue with.
I knew one older couple. They were so sweet. Always being affectionate with each other. Nobody ever thought they fought. Until the time A.I. was at theatres (that Spielberg movie with the kid from 6th Sense). I said, "Boy, that movie was a disappointment. Stanley Kubrick is probably rolling in his grave."
The guy, in his late 60s, agreed. His trophy wife (15 years younger) said she loved it. And boy did the fireworks fly.
And it was at a movie the other day, when we had the weirdest argument ever.
I should say first, that I've had my share of arguments with girlfriends. They never end well. My previous girlfriend thought since her sister had a pit bull that was nice, those dogs aren't dangerous. The news just makes it appear that way.
That argument really never ended, because I'll occasionally still send her an email with the story of a pit bull eating some baby, or 70-year-old letter carrier. She'll respond that I'm insane, and we don't hear about other dog attacks. To which I'll respond with something like "Those jerks at KUSI. They probably have some story about a poodle mauling someone to death, and they're sitting on it."
But enough about my old girlfriend. Let me talk about this one.
She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. The key things being...funny and intelligent; willing and able to debate an issue with me (Cute as hell comes in a close second).
That doesn't mean we sit there and have these intellectual debates about quantum physics. No. We had a debate about Oreo's.
We were going to the snack bar at the movies. And, as much as I want some Red Vines or Raisenettes, I just can't see buying them for $4.00 when they are a dollar at Vons.
I don't mind the $10 for a Coke and popcorn. Because I don't make popcorn at home, and it smells so damn good (when it's not burned in the office microwave).
But, I look down at notice there was an item called Oreo Cakettes. They were $1.50, and the money went to a charity. As I grabbed a few packages, my girlfriend (being the sweet and observant women she is) said "You don't like Oreo's."
I replied, "Yeah, I know. But, these probably don't taste like Oreo's." She then said, "Yes they will."
We went back and forth, with me saying "Look at the picture on the cover." She would reply, "Yeah. It looks like an Orea, but with cake." I then said, "Exactly! That means, it will taste like cake."
I swear, this argument went during all the commercials before the movie started.
I opened and ate one. And loved it (at this point, I'd like to state: no product placement was paid for during the writing of this blog).
It tasted nothing like an Oreo. When I told her this, she said "Well, I know. Because it's cake."
And, a few days earlier, a similar debate, she changed near the end.
We were watching the football games on Sunday at a pizza joint. And, we saw that some kicker had just lost his 3-month-old son. We both agreed that was sad. And, I said something like "It's probably better to lose a kid that is 3 months old, and not 3 years old."
She seemed a little shocked by this, and said "It's just the same. It's horrible either way."
I had to explain, that a parent wouldn't have a 3 month old die and say "Oh well. At least it's not like I paid to put them thru college." Yes, they'd be devastated. But...at 3-years-old, the child has personality. They're talking. And, it would just be harder to deal with. This guy might not have even been able to play."
So, the debate went on. She said that to a mother it would be just the same.
We've had a few debates where we start calling people on our phone lists, to see what the majority says. She said [both her parents have passed away], "We'll call your mom. And we'll see what she says."
My mom will always be honest. Hell, she'll call and tell me when the Crasher column is boring to her.
She agreed with me. But, hearing my girlfriend argue her point in the background, compelled her say "It's hard either way. It would be tough at any age."
I then said to my girlfriend, "I'm not saying that there's a difference between, say, a kid that's 3 years old and 13. Or from 9 to 12. I just think there's a difference between a child that has only cried, eaten, and just started pooping solids...and a 3 year old."
And, I didn't want to play the "you're not a mom yet, so how do you know" card. People that do that are idiots. As I've said before, many of my friends that don't have kids, have better ideas on parenting then my friends that do (or the ones that are loud in restaurants or movie theatres).
I added, "Using your logic, there wouldn't be the difference between having a stillborn, or a child that's one day old, dying, as compared to a 3-year-old."
She said, "I don't think there would be. It would have been growing inside me for 9 months. And there's a certain bonding thing."
Now, here it comes. She ended with "I'm just saying, to me, it would be the same. It would be just as painful. Maybe not to other moms."
Sorry. The debate wasn't how just she would feel. She said all moms would agree. And the one we called, didn't.
(any moms out there, feel free to chime in on this)