Image

you wrote me back into your book

with scribbled words dripping

honeyed in between the spaces of your ribs

bruises on the knives edge of your hips

long dark hair flowing

to add a curtain to the twinkle

in your eyes green

and mischievous lips

that crinkle upturned exclamation

whispers resoundingly calling

literary my lips forth

to tremble to the music

of your shivering frame

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Comments

SDaniels March 24, 2010 @ 12:45 a.m.

nan, this is great!

man, the knife's edge of hips--so many great images here. I love the idea of the body as a page upon which one writes a story (or a poem)--a record of one's life, but also a reminder of how we ourselves--our bodies and minds-- are like text... 'written' by all of our influences...

I love everything but the last word--where something more physically grounded seems expected.

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CuddleFish March 24, 2010 @ 5:58 a.m.

Ooooooh, how did I miss this one???

Love the images in this poem, nan!!

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nan shartel March 24, 2010 @ 1:57 p.m.

SDaniels the original last word was "frame"...but i change it to "claim"...a sorta more metaphysically fluid term...but put frame in if u want...thx for the kind read hunnypants..so few here read poetry i wonder why i put it in...but i so often have no other voice and need to speak of something

thus is the burden of the poet

hahahahahaha

thank you

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nan shartel March 24, 2010 @ 1:59 p.m.

thx so much Cuddles..u r a poetry reader i know..it's kind of u to make a ccomment...poets and artists put their souls on display

a comment of any kind that's positive is soothing and welcome

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nan shartel March 24, 2010 @ 5:26 p.m.

me what u think SDaniels

i decided to put frame back and change shivering to literary..

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SDaniels March 25, 2010 @ 2:13 a.m.

Ok,...

"shivering frame"

makes sense, but--

"literary frame"

also makes sense. The body and the book become one here, so probably "literary frame" is better at grabbing all the balloon strings and bringing the bunch back together...

Yet, "shivering" gives a great sense of the effect upon this 'other' who is the writer the writer speaks of here, yet who is also a body/book--and affected--so the 'shivering' demonstrates...

What I just realized:

"in your eyes green and mischievous

lips that crinkled"

makes it seem as though it is the lips that are green and mischievous. If "green" were replaced with something both eyes and lips could be, there'd be no awkwardness there...

And of course you should post your poetry here nan, for us! You've got me and Cuddles as faithful readers, and others pop in and out, always to enjoy it--otherwise they wouldn't leave the comments they do. Maybe you want to explore more sites for just poetry, like Cuddles does, but I hope you remain here, too. We need more like you (if that were possible ;)...

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MsGrant March 25, 2010 @ 9:49 a.m.

nan, if I may - I love your poetry as well. I am just simply not qualified to offer much in the way of comments and would come across as a complete doofus due to my lack of knowledge in the subject matter. That said, please keep posting your poetry!! It's really lovely.

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nan shartel March 25, 2010 @ 2:50 p.m.

Ms Grant...aaaaaaaaahhhhh thx honeybun...poetry is like painting...one doesn't need to know anything about it to like it or dislike it...come always and say what u think

but one must think about the message sent in the flow and whether or not the destination is reach and SDaniels due to her education has the unique ability to critique and advise on that....thx Suzanne...i completely appreciate ur thoughts on the change and may re-work the ending yet again to find that perfect closure to this poem

namaste

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antigeekess March 26, 2010 @ 10:36 p.m.

Groovy as always, nanners.

So, um, where do you get these pics, anyways? Or are they just your own candid shots of "friends?"

:)

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nan shartel March 27, 2010 @ 6:28 a.m.

er..um..candid shots?

maybbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;-)

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MsGrant March 27, 2010 @ 5:55 p.m.

Oh lordy, I have been wanting to ask that question for awhile!! nan, you have the best visual blog, not to mention your amazing prose, but where do you find these fine examples of male pulchritude?

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nan shartel March 27, 2010 @ 9:57 p.m.

in my address book Ms Grant...but of course that was in the day...hahahahahahahahaha

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CuddleFish March 27, 2010 @ 10:04 p.m.

Oooooh dang nanners, that's one heck of a book!!!

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