Dorian Hargrove 11:30 p.m., March 13
Hansel & Gretel made nearly $20 million this weekend, but that's not the real horror
I mean, sure, it was awful. But Jeremy Renner is handsome and muscley, and there are steampunk crossbows, and everybody is tired of the Twilight trend of making monsters into loveable outcasts. Bring on the bad witches! Me, I'm looking forward to seeing what they do with Rumplestiltskin.
No, the real nightmare is a little further down in this week's box office standings. Hansel & Gretel cost $50 million, after all, so it's still long way from successful. Meanwhile, A Haunted House has pulled in $35 million in three weeks on a $2.5 million budget. I am mystified. We are witnessing the birth of a newer, crappier spoof franchise, and nobody is out in the streets, covered in sackcloth and ashes, begging forgiveness from an obviously angry God.
Renner: I know, I seemed taller in the movie. Acting!
More like this:
- New releases opening this week: Fast & Furious 6, Deceptive Practice and much more! — May 24, 2013
- New releases opening this week — Feb. 22, 2013
- Review: Hansel & Gretel Get Baked — Feb. 21, 2013
- Trailer Park: Hansel and Gretel Get Baked — Feb. 20, 2013
- This week's new releases — Jan. 25, 2013