Liz Swain 4:24 p.m., May 24
My, my, times have changed. Used to be, all you needed to get rid of a witch was a stake and some kindling. Now, you gotta have an arsenal:
Let's not waste too much time on the guns, not even that fold-out job that looks like a pan flute in the lower left corner. Instead, let's take a gander at that double-barreled crossbow, you know, the one with the swivel-feature for the all-important sideways shot.
On the one hand, it makes sense - you'd have to have a feature like that to justify using a bow when you could be using a gun. On the other hand, is this kind of garbage steampunk prop-designer fiddle-faddle a simple example of what's wrong with movies today, or an essential encapsulation of what's wrong with movies today? You be the judge!
More fun times: hey, remember when the shot of a dude flinging himself backwards to dodge a deadly projectile was cool? When was that again? Oh, right - 1999.
Ooooh, and anachronistic gatling guns! They worked in the smash hit Jonah Hex; why not here?
Still, credit where it's due: in this age of diverse spiritual traditions, there's some serious chutzpah in making heroes out of the people who burn witches. (If I had any photoshop skills whatsoever, I'd add Strutting Leo to this pic.)
Gonna be a long week.